Building Community
Singing around the campfire
- Barrie School c.1970
You Can't Hurry Love
Why Some Parents Leave - Why Some Families
Stay
by Tim Seldin
The attrition of children after age four
from our classes is something of great concern in many
Montessori schools around the world.
In addition to parents having a lack of
knowledge, there is also the question of whether, if
they were better informed, would they care. You cannot
make someone love you. Either they do or they do not.
Many schools tend to sell Montessori as
if it were nothing but a particularly way of teaching
children certain skills, but it is much more. It is
a philosophy of life, connected to the theory of life
as a partnership among people, and a personal journey
of self-discovery, rather than a competition in which
adults, being older and better informed, mold the young
person, establish their life objectives and goals, and
teach them to compete with others successfully.
All too many people around the world live
their lives as a reflection of what other people think
is important and appropriate and worth pursuing, rather
than following their own hearts and thinking for themselves.
Far too many people value possessions more than personal
fulfillment and happiness. And far more value power
and social position as ends in themselves.
Montessori used different terms to explain
her sense of the source of the focus, kindness, and
intelligence that she found within the world's children,
and how the adult world, despite generally wanting nothing
but the best for its children, works hard to instill
in them passivity, mindless acceptance, and social competition
and one-ups-man ship.
Montessori as a movement is about peace,
not competition and war. Too many hear those words and
assume that we do not value excellence, but they are
mistaken. We value excellence, but recognize that it
is not so rare among human beings as some believe, and
that the best way to draw it forth is to inspire a sense
of wonder and a habit of focusing our entire attention
on whatever task we have at hand; by nurturing the creativity,
curiosity and imagination with which we are all born;
and by attempting to help the child to fully realize
her inborn human spirit.
Montessori is about partnership, kindness
and respect.
How many of the parents in our schools
actually value things such as these? Are not many of
them intensively ambitious for their children, as well
as themselves? Do not many of them unconsciously see
their children as 'accessories' which should add radiance
to their beauty or standing among their friends and
family? Do they really see their children as people,
or as something in their lives to be shaped into what
they have in mind? Do they not value their homes, their
cars, and their possessions to such a degree that they
define themselves by what they own, wear, drive and
do to earn a living?
For the last 5,000 years, most human societies
have been based on the idea that competition, domination,
and violence are the natural order of things. Maria
Montessori, coming from a highly competitive upwardly
aspiring middle class culture in the Italy of the late
1800s, gradually came to recognize the falsehoods on
which this world view was based, and the truth that,
given the right environment, human children will reveal
their true potential and develop a perspective on the
world that is based on compassion, self-confidence,
and joy in lives well-lived.
While we are all capable of encouraging
parents to feel this way, the truth is that if the message
does not light a spark in their hearts, we are wasting
our breath. They simply slip away at year's end.
In addition to everything that we can
do to build up a sense of community within our schools,
we need to begin with the first step of seeking families
who share similar values to our schools.
When you have gathered the right families
together, parent education works because they are willing
to listen!
There are too few Montessori-oriented
parents in the world. We tend to work in schools filled
with people who do not believe in what we value, no
wish those things for their children. And is that not
caused in part because we accept them blindly, happy
that a space has been filled, and not concerned with
whether or not the parent is with us for the right reasons.
Tim Seldin
President, The Montessori Foundation
Chair, The International Montessori Council
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