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Ask Ms. Montessori Practical Wisdom for Parents
In this column, we invite parents to bring their questions about raising children the Montessori way. Ms. Montessori offers gentle yet firm counsel rooted in deep respect for the child’s natural development. Whether the concern is about discipline, learning, family pressures, or the challenges of modern life, these answers are meant to reassure and guide with timeless principles.
Ms. Montessori believes that every child carries within them the blueprint of their own growth, and that the role of adults is not to mold them by force, but to prepare an environment in which their fullest potential may unfold. Her replies aim to honor that vision while giving parents practical strategies they can use today.
Ms. Montessori is actually the voice of many Montessori teachers, women and men, who channel their inner Montessori voice to offer some gentle parenting tips.
Playdate Problems
Dear Ms. Montessori,
My daughter’s friend’s parents let the children watch a lot of television and play with tablets. When my daughter visits, she comes home cranky and asking for more screen time. Should I forbid her from going? – Uncertain in Orlando
Dear Uncertain, the home environment is a powerful influence. When your daughter enters another household, she enters another culture—one with its own customs, rhythms, and values. It is natural that she returns asking for what she has seen there. Yet this does not mean you must sever the friendship. The child’s social life is also an important part of her growth, and she learns resilience by encountering differences.
The key is not prohibition, but preparation. Explain to your daughter calmly: “In our home, we have chosen different ways to spend our time.” Do not speak with criticism of the other family. Children understand the concepts of fairness and kindness; they also recognize that families do not need to be identical.
At the same time, invite the children to your own home as often as possible. Prepare activities that captivate their hands and minds—baking bread, painting, planting seeds, or simply playing outside. Even children accustomed to screens respond to the joy of engaging in meaningful activities. They may discover that it is more satisfying to knead dough or build a fort than to passively watch a glowing screen.
When she does visit the other home, set a boundary in advance: “You may watch a little, but when you return, we will return to our usual rhythm.” By maintaining consistency, you provide her with a sense of security. Over time, she will begin to notice the difference in how she feels. You may ask, “How did you feel after the television? How did you feel after we baked together?” Reflection awakens the child’s own awareness of what is wholesome.
We must remember that children are drawn to life, to activity, to authentic experiences. Screens provide an imitation of life, but their appeal fades when a child is regularly offered the joy of real doing. Your task is to create an environment so rich and inviting that she need not crave the artificial. By holding your ground with gentleness and by offering true alternatives, you will help your daughter not only navigate this friendship but also grow in strength of character, knowing that she can love her friend while remaining faithful to the values of her own home. – Ms. Montessori
