Michael Crump | Montessori Foundation | Montessori Family Alliance

Roam

by Michael Crump | Family Resources, MFA, Montessori Education, Montessori Family Life, Montessori Parenting, TC November 2021

I tell my children to get out!

In fact, I tell them all of the time to get out of my house and go away. Like the unforgettable and motivational lyrics from the song Roam, by the B52’s, I beg my children to “roam where you want to, roam around the world.” A simple song if anything, but the lyrics are truly profound, if not by design and invention, then definitely by divine intervention. This happy little song demands of its listener:

Roam if you want to Roam around the world

Roam if you want to Without wings, without wheels

Roam if you want to Roam around the world

Roam if you want to Without anything but the love we feel

So, it’s ok to roam physically and mentally without the need of anything else but simply “the love we feel.” It makes sense that we humans go to the places that we want to, and the impetus is usually the love we feel within our hearts about that person, place, or a thing that we want to see or know better. However, we can’t fall in love with what we don’t know exists, and we can’t feel what we cannot touch. That’s where the roaming part comes in. Children do not learn best just by simply listening; they need to experience things.

My fellow parents, it can only be an advantage to the human brain, and the human being, to have many different experiences in one’s life. Of course, we don’t have to do anything at all; you are fine just the way you are, as am I. However, I do believe that almost everyone will agree that being a student of the universe cannot possibly be a bad thing. There must be something of value in knowing something (anything) about different languages, religions, customs, cultures, cuisines, music, nations, histories, literature, governments, and people. All the aforementioned can be summarized under the umbrella of culture, which can be defined as all the manifestations of human achievement regarded collectively.

My children have huge dreams and aspirations for their own future, but they regard so much of their world through the lens of their immediate orbit, which may be quite large to them, but is rather small within the scheme of things. I used to take them everywhere I could when they were younger. We have traveled abroad and experienced many different cultures everywhere. At home, I expose them to my British roots, and their mother does the same with tales of her youth and South American customs. When it comes to making a citizen of the world, too much is never enough. So, I actively encourage my kids to continue to not only thirst for culture, but to drink it, and drink from it often.

Younger children need parents for them to move beyond their immediate surroundings. The acquisition of culture is best when directly experienced by the child. They need us to be able to get them there “without wings and without wheels.” The vast menu of cultural differences scattered throughout the planet are all right here for our consumption. We can find ethnic communities, local festivals, diverse food, virtual tours via the internet, and just good old-fashioned “read to me mommy and daddy,” which can obviously be an excellent time to bond and get closer.

Imagine the many questions, the awe and wonder, the breathtaking revelations that will come from the myriad cultural encounters to which our children will be drawn. You do it! Why must their first immersive cultural encounters come from future college experiences, their future date night, or a future friend from another global setting? I strongly suggest that you let the process begin with you! Provide a forward-thinking cultural narrative now for your children, while they are young, and allow them to be able to make global decisions later. Knowing something about the world other than our own can help our children to navigate better the changing times that are upon us.

KNOWING SOMETHING ABOUT THE WORLD OTHER THAN OUR OWN CAN HELP OUR CHILDREN TO NAVIGATE BETTER THE CHANGING TIMES THAT ARE UPON US.

And if you are thinking about providing a rich cultural experience for your children, trying to pick out the “Apex Culture’’ for this process will certainly be an exercise in futility, as every culture has what we may deem as moral highs and lows. No’sir-ee Bob! It looks like the most effective way is just to dive in the best way you can and pick a little bit of some of everything.

One of the outstanding lines echoed in the song is the sentiment that we should roam “without anything but the love we feel.” ‘What does this mean? Are you being asked to roam in the places you have already been? Should we only discover the places we already know and love? I would tend to think not, since they follow that admonishing lyric with another enthusiastic cheer that we should “roam around the world!” I think (and hope) that we should all try to venture somewhere else and become something different with each new experience.

Quick story: I identify with the Christian faith and have done so all my life. At one point, I drove the same route to work for about 13 years 50 miles each way. Every day, I hit a stretch of narrow highway on I-675, with walls of tall evergreen trees lining either side of this familiar road. There was nothing remarkable about the scenery, but the beautiful Georgia sky meeting the tops of the trees.

One day, I noticed some intricate marble latticework beginning to emerge from the tops of the trees. This was a massive construction in development. Day by day, this chiseled chalk white structure would grow higher and higher from behind the tops of the tall Georgia pine.

After some time, I discovered that it was a Hindu Temple, a community temple, a restaurant, and a cultural museum. I was so intrigued by the design of the building and the intricacy of the marble work that I HAD to go and check out this place. After some time, I took my wife and children to this new Hindu temple, spent the day there, and was not disappointed. The physical design and interior alone were truly amazing sights to behold. The smell of incense and saffron filled the temple air and, while unusual to me, I would be dishonest if I said that these scents were not pleasant to my senses. While there, we watched the worshipers pray, we read about their beliefs, we sat and ate some of the most amazing foods I have ever tasted: our taste buds were not ready for this deliciousness. We sat and consumed the very same food that they ate, while we listened to the music of their faith; I was no less a Christian for it. We met strangers with different accents and languages, but we all laughed together in the same language. It was, in all honesty, truly an amazing day of love and learning, one that my two 20-years -plus children and my 15-yearold have not forgotten. This was just one of many times I have nudged my children into the fray and over the cliff of cultural diversity.

This song is not a convenient metaphor for me. I really do believe that there is something very real within the commanding lyrics of this song. I would like to imagine that these three wacky bandmates at the beginning of their career had the early opportunity to travel more and experienced success through the lens of their expanded world; it somehow changed them.

Exposure to culture helps us to grow into more complete human beings. It is literally the fiber that binds humanity. It doesn’t matter if you travel to it, or bring it to you, culture is the space between strength and weakness. Mark Twain once said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts, “Roam” is the embodiment of Mark Twain’s words. Our children cannot get up and simply roam where they want to. They rely on us to help expand their universe and guide the journey. Since our kids don’t know what they don’t know, I suggest we get going.

Michael Crump and his six siblings grew up together in the UK. He received a BA in Sociology/Education from Ashford University. Michael attended Manhattan College for two years and lived in NYC for 16 years. After working in corporate management for 25 years Michael decided to join his wife, Arlette, as a teacher at her school, the Montessori Village Academy in GA. He completed his Montessori Elementary Teacher Certification in an IMC training program. Michael and Arlette have three children – Isaiah and Morgan in college and Mattison, a working actor in high school.

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Making Agreements with Older Children

by Michael Crump | MFA, Montessori Parenting, Montessori students, Parenting on the Same Page, TC May 2021

from Tomorrow’s Child Magazine – May, 2021 | by The Montessori Foundation

After the second of three children left for college, we began to experience the initial feelings that may come with the reality of being empty nesters. We still have one incredible teenager in the house, and she is very “easy on the adult.” Her presence in the home stands in the gap between a sense of family and lost purpose; we love her very much.

My youngest daughter has learned, from the mistakes of her two adult siblings, precisely how to navigate parental waters without being eaten by sharks. She is calm, introspective, caring, and makes good grades. After some time, she began to experience the throws of loneliness not having her older brother and sister readily available for age-appropriate interactions and mental stimulation. And so, she did something she does not often do. She asked for something.

You have to understand that this is a profound development for our youngest child, as she only ever asks for what is necessary. She began asking her mother for a dog. Initially, she began implementing the divide-and-conquer method of asking mom only. Her mother refused, citing the fact that I (her husband) was incredibly allergic to pet dander. I explode into sneezing fits and watery eyes when I come in contact with pet fur of various unknown types. My daughter’s initial attempts to secure a dog friend were all nonstarters because the acquisition of one would make her life grand and mine miserable.

More time passed, and she began to implement the teen strategy of persistence. She asked us almost every day, as often as she could, explaining to us the various reasons why a small dog with small poops would greatly improve her life and emotional standing. After months of straight refusals, our patient, kind, loving, low-maintenance, and temperate little daughter began to implement the final solution. To seal the deal, our child began to have bouts of crying in order to secure her desires. She no longer asked for a dog, specifically, but simply cried to us about not having someone or something in her life to help occupy her time and curb the experience of single-child loneliness. I should mention that there is an eight-year gap between our middle child and our youngest daughter.

Without her knowing, she hit the jackpot; we as her parents had always observed the chasm that existed between the two older children, and our youngest child. As the years went by, we watched as the socio-emotional distance between the two older children (only a year apart) began to naturally grow, and the expanse between the two camps naturally widened. I knew, as weeks and months went by, that I would grant her a wish for a dog. After all of her attempts to implement “teen reverse psychology” and “emotional guilt,” we decided to capitulate, despite the constant discharging of her best physiological weapons of teen warfare. We began to prep her for ownership of the dog without letting her know that we intended to let her have a dog. When she would cry about the matter, we countered with anecdotes concerning the horrors that may follow like cleaning up poop, early morning pee-pee trips, walking the dog in the wee hours of the morning, the darkness of the backyard, contending with the night-time critters, and constant supervision. All of these possibilities fazed her naught, and she maintained the fact that she wanted a small dog, even if it meant waking up at the crack of dawn.

When she had successfully endured the gauntlet of situational, anecdotal objections laid down by me and my wife, we agreed to a non-allergenic breed AND that she would take full responsibility for the care of the dog. My wife and I love dogs, but we are clearly not “dog lovers.” These cautionary tales that we were giving to her were not being explained by any way of fault toward the K-9 species, but rather, the apprehensions of people such as my wife and me. However, our child convinced us that she would be able to handle the responsibility as the primary caregiver to this new life in our home. Then came the day that we brought her pet dog home. It was a one-year-old Chihuahua puppy from the rescue shelter. She took to him at once and named him Oliver, Ollie for short.

From day one, she exceeded our expectations of care and attention in every single area. She had said that she would not falter or wane in her affections for the dog as time transpired. We were not disappointed: walks at early dawn, walks at dusk, and three walks in between. Lovingly dealing with feeding times, poops, and pee-pee accidents without complaint. She lavished him with treats and biscuits, walks, and selfies; she even made a short film on her iPhone, which was actually quite impressive, editing and all!

I want to be honest about how things have progressed in our situation. Today, our daughter is secretly in anguish. I would not say regret, but definitely anguish. Although there is no doubt that she loves Ollie a great deal, she does not like getting up at dawn, cleaning up accidents, late-night walks, the night sound of shuffling critter paws among the leaves, beyond the reach of the backyard floodlights. She would rather not stand in the cold rain to make sure (by eyewitness account) that he has carried out a number one and two. She hates walking the dog on hot summer nights, cold mornings, and in between. No matter the situation, she does what she has to do to make Ollie’s existence with us a good one. She plays with him, and gives him a lot of attention as we all do. My wife and I lovingly sneeze and cough through my encounters with Ollie, without complaining.

I suspect that like any 14-year-old child, the responsibility for my daughter is hard work. The REALITY has set in. The reality of caring for another life has been a real wake-up call for this little lady. We help out as parents often do, but we do not take over as parents also often do. For my daughter, getting up early and traversing the cold or heat of the day may be a challenge. Taking a plastic glove and handling the solid waste of an animal may be yucky for her. Finding time to play with Ollie in the midst of her other obligations is not always easy for her, but we let her go through it. We let her go through it, without bailing her out, without being a crutch, without allowing her to abdicate the responsibility that she asked for, and she has grown a great deal in light of it.

Michael Crump and his six siblings grew up together in the UK. He received a BA in Sociology/Education from Ashford University. Michael attended Manhattan College for two years and lived in NYC for 16 years. After working in corporate management for 25 years Michael decided to join his wife, Arlette, as a teacher at her school, the Montessori Village Academy in GA. He is now completing his Montessori Elementary Teacher Certification in an IMC training program. Michael and Arlette have three children – Isaiah and Morgan in college and Mattison a working actor in high school.