DEAR CATHIE— THE TOPIC OF BULLYING SEEMS TO BE ALL OVER THE PRESS. MY CHILD HAS JUST STARTED PRESCHOOL BUT I WANT TO BE PROACTIVE IN BEING SURE THAT MY CHILD DOES NOT BECOME EITHER A BULLY OR THE VICTIM OF BULLYING. IS IT TOO SOON TO THINK ABOUT THIS NOW?

A PROACTIVE MOM

Dear Mom,

I applaud you for already considering the challenging issues. Bullying is a highly discussed topic now, and many schools, religious organizations, and community groups are working hard to raise awareness and develop training and interventions to counteract this behavior!

There are mixed views about the reality of bullying in preschool. I am in the camp that some children begin to show signs of bullying behavior as young as three, and these behaviors need to be addressed as soon as they appear.

Luckily, Montessori guides are trained to do just that. We are trained to work with children in challenging interpersonal situations and to help both bullies and the bullied develop appropriate actions and responses in social settings.

Let’s look at bullying from a few angles.

• When can bullying begin?

• What does it look like?

• What kinds of interventions are possible with such young children?

Children begin to understand and appreciate others’ feelings around age 3. Before that age, children are totally self-absorbed. They have limited capacity to put themselves in another person’s shoes and understand how that person might feel in a given situation.

The development of empathy is central to social learning in the early years.

What actually constitutes bullying behavior? The answer lies primarily in the motivation for the behavior. If a child deliberately does harm to another and smiles about it, that is bullying. If a child regularly hits, kicks, or punches another, that is bullying. It is also bullying to call another child repeatedly “names,” exclude him from play, or put him down with either words or actions.

It is bullying behavior to recruit other children to misbehave and to sneak to do things. Bullies also intimidate their victims by hurting a child or threatening to hurt a child and demanding that she keep it a secret.

In reality, many preschoolers do engage in some of the behavior listed above. The challenge is to distinguish between typical preschool squabbles and actual bullying.

This is the time in life when children “try out” many types of behavior to learn how to interact with others. They work to understand the impact of their actions and their words.

Preschool children who are just learning to socialize may do things that are thoughtless, unkind, or even downright mean. In an effort to secure a friendship, Samantha may boss Rachel around and get her to do what Samantha tells her to do.

My most memorable story about this was a child who ordered another child to use a specific potty in the school bathroom. Even though it made her friend cry, she was adamant day after day. After discussion, she preferred the child use the potty next to her so they could sit together. “That is what friends do, Miss Cathie, they sit together,” she told me, nodding solemnly. This was not bullying but a misunderstood code of conduct in a friendship. The difference is that the negative consequences of these behaviors do not bring the child satisfaction or joy.

One of the main symptoms of bullying behavior is that it is repeated and has a deliberate intent to scare, harm, or upset another. In most preschool conflicts, the power is balanced.

Let’s look at a typical example. David and Paul (both three-year-old boys) are playing in the sandbox. They see a popular red dump truck. They both grab for it, and a conflict begins. “It’s mine! I had it first,” they both cry. One pulls the truck, and the other falls over crying. The child has his truck, and he walks away, leaving the crying child in the sandbox. This conflict will take some teacher interaction to resolve, but it is not bullying. Neither boy wanted to harm the other.

Learning to share, take turns, and care about others’ feelings is an important component of preschool social learning. When working with children to resolve squabbles, I often find they are surprised that their actions caused another child to be upset or cry. They are so egocentric at this age that they only want what they want and focus on getting it, often at the expense of others.

What can you do if you feel there is a bullying situation brewing in your child’s class?

The first step is to gather as much information as possible, then speak with your child’s teacher. While the adults in your child’s classroom are great observers and see much that happens at the school, they are not able to see everything. Therefore, they need your input on how things are affecting your child. Some children are shy, especially in their first year, and do not feel comfortable talking to the teacher. They only share those serious feelings with their parents at home. And a bully may be sneaky, and it may be hard for your child to make sense of the situation.

How do Montessori guides work with children on these skills?

We explain to children that “you can’t have your fun by making other people sad.” This is the basic anti-bullying mantra. When squabbles arise, Montessori works with both children to discuss, analyze, and resolve the conflict. They help each child to listen while the other tells their side of the story and identify the way the conflict made them feel. Then the children and the guide brainstorm for ways to resolve the problem. “What do you need to make you feel better?” is a question we often ask. We expect that the child who was hurt to initiate the conversation. “It is not Ok for anyone to hurt your body or your feelings.” We expect the child who did the hurting to “fix” the problem.

Problems are not left until they are resolved. The child who was hurt (or bullied) is helped to stand up for himself, and the child who was doing the hurting (or bullying) is taught to listen and make amends.

So in the Montessori Method, both types of children are taught anti-bullying strategies.

Guides in 3-6 classrooms spend significant time with these sorts of problems. And most children do this sort of self-advocacy independently by the end of their fourth year.

 For further reading on this subject, I recommend: The Everything Parents’ Guide to Dealing with Bullies: From playground teasing to cyber bullying, all you need to ensure your child’s safety and happiness by Deborah Carpenter, and the children’s picture book, One by Kathryn Otoshi.

Cathie Perolman has been involved in Montessori education for over 40 years. Cathie has worked in the classroom as a 3-6 assistant; a classroom teacher; a level leader; a teacher trainer; and a college professor. She currently spends her time mentoring teachers, conducting workshops for teachers and administrators; and writing for her blog and for magazines. She also serves as a consultant for schools and as a school validator for the Montessori Schools of Maryland. Cathie is the creator of the Color Coded Sound Games and the Rainbow Reading System as well as other reading and cosmic printable materials to enhance classrooms. Find them at cathieperolman.com.

Recently, we read an opinion piece by Jordan McGillis in The Washington Post (August 18, 2025), titled “Why child care costs so much — and how to fix it.” It raised important points about America’s rising child-care costs and prompted us to reflect on this issue from a Montessori perspective. Why All Child Care Is Expensive

High-quality care is costly everywhere because caring for babies, toddlers, and young children is labor-intensive. There are no shortcuts. Children need attentive adults who respond with warmth, patience, and skill. Economists call this the Baumol effect.

In most industries, technology boosts productivity—factories produce more with fewer workers. But child care is different. It still takes one set of loving arms to rock one baby. A teacher cannot safely guide 20 toddlers at once. The adult-to-child ratio must stay low, which keeps labor costs high.

Meanwhile, fewer Americans are entering Early Childhood education. The pay is modest compared with other professions, despite the extensive training, stamina, and emotional intelligence required. A shortage of qualified caregivers drives up wages further, adding pressure on program budgets.

The Hidden Overhead of Montessori and Other Private Schools

Most Montessori schools in the U.S. are private and tuition- driven. They face the same challenges as other childcare centers—plus additional costs unique to their model.

Teacher Education and Salaries

Montessori teachers complete specialized training that can take a year or more and often comes with significant tuition debt. Schools must offer competitive salaries to attract and retain top talent, especially since many public schools provide higher pay and benefits.

Classroom Materials

Montessori classrooms are filled with hands-on learning materials—Golden Beads for math, Sandpaper Letters for literacy, Puzzle Maps, timelines, and science tools. These are durable and beautiful, but also expensive. Equipping one classroom can cost between $20,000 and $40,000.

Facilities and Support Staff

Private schools carry mortgage or lease payments, insurance, utilities, and maintenance without government funding to offset costs. They also need administrators, assistants, and specialists to maintain operations. Payroll, benefits, and retirement contributions add up quickly.

Safety and Compliance

Meeting state licensing standards requires investments in security systems, playground equipment, fire alarms, and frequent inspections. In regions prone to hurricanes, wildfires, or earthquakes, insurance premiums can be staggering.

Where Tuition Goes: A Montessori Cost Breakdown

Every school is different, but surveys of Montessori and other independent schools show a fairly consistent breakdown of tuition spending:

• 65% to Staffing (teachers, assistants, administrators): The majority of tuition goes directly to salaries and benefits. Low student-to-teacher ratios, especially in infant and toddler programs, make staffing the most significant expense.

• 20% to Facilities (mortgage, rent, utilities, insurance, maintenance): Maintaining a safe, child-friendly environment comes with high ongoing costs.

• 5% to Educational Materials and Curriculum: Montessori materials are carefully crafted, long-lasting, and often imported.

• 5% to Professional Development: Training Montessori teachers is a continual investment through refresher courses, conferences, and coaching.

• 5% to Other (licensing fees, technology, supplies): From playground upkeep to accreditation to liability coverage, “hidden” expenses add up quickly.

Tuition isn’t padded with excess—it reflects the real costs of providing safe, nurturing, high-quality care.

The Limits of Subsidies

As McGillis noted, subsidies help families manage tuition but don’t reduce the actual cost of care; they shift the expense to taxpayers. Subsidy programs also come with strict regulations: mandated curricula, credential requirements, and extensive reporting. While these rules aim to ensure safety and accountability, they can inadvertently reduce schools’ flexibility.

For Montessori programs, heavy regulation can conflict with values, such as individualized learning, freedom within limits, and respect for each child’s natural development.

Ideas That Could Help

The Washington Post article offered several ideas worth considering:

• Expand visa programs. The U.S. could welcome more qualified caregivers from abroad, many of whom are eager to work with children. Montessori schools, in particular, can recruit teachers from Europe, Asia, and Latin America, where training programs are strong.

• Rethink credential barriers. While training is essential, rigid rules can deter passionate caregivers and drive up costs.

• Give families more choice. Not every family wants the same model of care. Greater flexibility, while maintaining safety, would allow Montessori and other approaches to flourish.

Why the Investment Pays Off

The high cost of childcare, particularly for Montessori programs, can be a significant financial burden. Yet these are the years when a child’s foundation for life is built. Neuroscientists confirm that 85 percent of brain growth occurs before age six. Focus, self-regulation, empathy, and problem-solving all emerge from early experiences. When children spend those years in nurturing, well-prepared environments, the long-term benefits ripple outward for decades.

Montessori offers settings where independence, concentration, and curiosity are cultivated daily. A three-year-old carefully pouring water or a five-year-old teaching a younger child how to trace a letter are building confidence, competence, and belonging.

The Bigger Picture

Yes, childcare is expensive. Yes, Montessori tuition can feel daunting. But these costs reflect what it truly takes to offer children high-quality early experiences: skilled teachers, rich materials, safe facilities, and environments designed for growth. For parents, tuition can be seen not only as a bill to be paid, but as an investment—an investment in a child’s lifelong love of learning, resilience, and emotional growth.

As McGillis and others suggest, the challenge lies in expanding the pool of caregivers and reducing barriers that keep good people out of the field. If society can do that, more families will have access to early education options— including Montessori—that honor children’s needs and prepare them for a future full of promise. 

A New Kind of Questioning

Children between the ages of six and twelve are in one of the most remarkable periods of development. It is during these years that their brains can imagine times, places, and people beyond their immediate experiences and the physical world. They arrive at school brimming with questions that stretch a brain that is hungry to imagine and understand. Why do leaves change color? How did the first language begin? Did humans create fire or discover it? What makes thunder? Who invented money? Their minds no longer settle for quick answers. They want to know how things connect, why events happen, and where humanity fits in the grand story of life.

This is what Maria Montessori referred to as the Second Plane of Development. It’s a time of enormous change. Children grow in confidence, abstract reasoning, and moral awareness. Their social lives expand, and their curiosity deepens. For Montessori educators, this is the moment when curiosity meets capability—and the Elementary program is uniquely designed to meet it.

The Psychology of the Elementary Child

Children in this stage are dramatically different from their younger peers. Their world expands from the self to the group, and there is a new hunger for shared experiences.  They thrive in collaboration. You’ll often find them gathered around large tables, sprawled on the floor with maps, or debating over how to divide tasks for a project. Their friendships evolve in complexity, and they start to challenge the rules of fairness, justice, and loyalty. This is a period when their own personalities and group members begin to take shape. Moral reasoning starts to bloom. A child who once followed rules simply because “that’s what you do” now questions whether those rules are fair. They want to talk about justice and responsibility, weighing what’s right and wrong in ways that mirror adult conversations. At the same time, their ability to think abstractly begins to expand. While they still love to work with their hands, they are also eager to grasp big concepts, such as civilizations rising and falling, the laws of physics, and the evolution of life. They are drawn to heroes—both real and imagined— who embody courage, resilience, and human greatness.

Did you know?

Developmental psychologists note that, between ages 6 and 12, children experience what Jean Piaget called the “concrete operational stage.” They are increasingly able to reason logically, understand cause and effect, and imagine perspectives beyond their own. Montessori’s approach aligns beautifully with these cognitive leaps. Furthermore, other developmental psychologists, such as Erik Erikson, described these years as ones where students have the psychosocial task of developing industry through work, versus the sense of inferiority, leading to the lifelong “virtue” of competency that will lead them into the early stages of adolescence, young adulthood, and eventual full adulthood.

The Montessori Elementary Approach

To meet the needs of these growing minds, the Montessori Elementary curriculum provides a learning experience that is both structured and expansive. At its heart are the Five Great Lessons, sweeping stories that serve as a unifying framework for everything that follows.

• The Story of the Universe introduces the origins of stars, planets, and the conditions for life.

• The Coming of Life traces the evolutionary journey of living organisms across billions of years.

• The Arrival of Humans explores what makes our species unique—our ability to imagine, communicate, and create culture.

• The Story of Communication in Signs follows the birth of language and writing.

• The Story of Numbers reveals humanity’s inventive ways of measuring, recording, and understanding the world.

These stories don’t just deliver facts. They are intended to be impressionistic. They ignite wonder. They provide a framework for children to see how science, history, math, and language are interconnected. Instead of isolated subjects, children experience knowledge as a web—alive, connected, and ever-expanding. Perhaps more important than what is mentioned above is the sense of appreciation that these lessons are intended to instill.

The late Montessorian Dr. Michael Dorer, author of The Deep Well of Time, among other great Montessori books, often mentioned that the Great Lessons (in addition to providing a framework for the Elementary years) give context and relevance to the curriculum. This helps children develop a deep sense of appreciation for everything that came before them, affecting almost all aspects of our lives, including digital technology and electronics.

One Parent’s Story: Wonder in Action

Jacob, age seven, listened to the Story of the Universe and went home buzzing with questions. That weekend, he built a three-dimensional solar system out of clay, complete with asteroid belts and moons. His parents were astonished by how deeply he absorbed the story. “It wasn’t homework,” his father, Scott, said. “It was joy. He wanted to know everything.”

Beyond the Classroom Walls

Montessori Elementary education doesn’t stop at the school doors. Students design and implement “going out” experiences: student-led trips to libraries, museums, businesses, and nature preserves. Unlike traditional field trips, these outings begin with a child’s question: What was daily life like in Ancient Egypt? How does a printing press work? What kinds of birds live in our county? The children often play a significant role in planning their trip, helping to set an agenda, and learning to navigate real-world logistics, such as writing letters, making calls, managing money, and practicing courtesy with adults in the broader community. These experiences cultivate independence and give them a sense that the whole world is their classroom.

Going Out: The concept of “going out” originates from Maria Montessori, who believed that the prepared environment for older children extended beyond the classroom to encompass the entire community.

Supporting Abstract Thinking

As children grow, their thinking shifts toward more abstract concepts. Montessori materials evolve alongside them, offering bridges from hands-on experiences to symbolic reasoning. As students progress through Elementary and into Montessori Secondary programs, the prepared learning environment becomes less based on materials and physical learning “tools” and more about the prepared opportunity for learning through research, discussion, or experience.

The following materials and curricular areas illustrate how the Elementary Montessori curriculum supports students’ cognitive abilities and interests during this second plane.

The Timeline of Life stretches across the classroom floor, making billions of years of evolutionary history tangible.

Mathematical materials shift from beads and cubes to algebraic formulas, preparing children for higher-level reasoning and problem solving. In the Elementary Montessori curriculum, Dr. Montessori considered geometry and arithmetic as related but separate curricular areas, where students learn the characteristics of shapes and then add the ability to quantify value, such as area and volume, through their discovery of the relationship of quantity and size.

Language studies expand to etymology, grammar, and literature, helping children appreciate the richness of communication.

Cultural charts illuminate the rise of civilizations, trade, and human innovation.

A Montessori classroom at this level is alive with research. Children write reports, create models, stage debates, and prepare presentations for peers. Instead of memorizing information for tests, they engage with knowledge in ways that make it meaningful and lasting.

A Collaborative Environment

Elementary Montessori classrooms are designed to encourage collaborative learning. Elementary classrooms often have large tables that invite group work, while open floor space allows for projects that sprawl. Children divide tasks, solve disagreements, and learn to appreciate diverse perspectives. Peer teaching thrives. Older students guide younger ones, reinforcing their knowledge while modeling leadership. A 12-year-old explaining fractions to an 8-year-old doesn’t just strengthen math skills; it builds patience, empathy, and confidence.

One Parent’s Story: A Different Kind of Classroom

A mother visiting her daughter’s classroom was startled to see a group of nine-year-olds leading a lesson on the American Revolution. “I thought, where’s the teacher? Then I realized that the teacher was guiding from the side, and the students were taking ownership of the learning. It was inspiring.”

Academic Rigor with Meaning

Parents sometimes wonder whether Montessori Elementary prepares children academically. The answer is an emphatic yes. Mathematics progresses from concrete exploration to geometry, pre-algebra, and, in some cases, early calculus concepts. Language studies move from writing simple stories to analyzing grammar, writing essays, and engaging with literature. Science includes classification, chemistry, biology, and physics. History and geography encompass ancient civilizations, cultural development, and the interconnectedness of societies.

Unlike conventional schools, Montessori does not teach these subjects in isolation. They are always connected to a larger story and a greater purpose. This integration ensures that children understand not only what to learn but also why it matters and how it is relevant to their lives and their experience as human beings.

Did You Know? Studies comparing Montessori and conventional students have found that Montessori graduates demonstrate stronger critical thinking, greater creativity, and equal or higher achievement in math and literacy by adolescence (Lillard, A.S., et al., Frontiers in Psychology, 2017).

Outcomes that Last

The benefits of Montessori Elementary extend beyond test scores. Children leave these years with exceptional research and critical thinking skills, the ability to collaborate and lead, strong communication abilities, and the confidence to tackle new challenges. Most importantly, they come away with a genuine love of learning. Elementary Montessori education provides socioemotional opportunities for children to develop the skills they need as they progress to a new level of emotional awareness. As these students enter adolescence, a challenging period in most cases, Montessori Elementary environments aim to prepare them as effectively as possible to understand, accept, and self-regulate their emotions.

One Parent’s Story: Independence Blossoms

One of my parents described her son’s ‘shift’ during the Elementary years: “He started asking questions we couldn’t answer. Instead of waiting for us, he grabbed books, searched online, interviewed neighbors, and even wrote letters to a local historian. Montessori taught him that curiosity isn’t the end of learning—it’s the beginning.” Possibly more important than his desire to learn was his ability to take action on his own to address his own needs, a skill that is possibly more important than any academic accomplishment.

Supporting Your Child’s Montessori Journey

For parents, raising an Elementary-aged Montessori child means embracing their boundless curiosity and growing independence.

Engage with their questions. Instead of rushing to give answers, ask, “What do you think?” or, “Where could we look that up?”

Offering enriching experiences includes museum visits, nature hikes, and cultural festivals—all of which feed the classroom curriculum. Give space for independence.

Allow them to plan family projects, cook meals, or resolve conflicts with siblings.

Respect their social world. Friendships are central at this age, and learning to navigate them is an integral part of the developmental process.

Supporting your child doesn’t mean doing everything for them—it means giving them the room and resources to grow into capable, thoughtful young people.

The Elementary Years as a Foundation

The Elementary years are a time of profound intellectual and social growth.

With Montessori’s unique approach, curiosity and capability come together in powerful ways. Children emerge as independent thinkers, problem solvers, and lifelong learners. At the end of the Elementary years, Montessori children don’t just know facts and figures. They know how to think, collaborate, and maintain their curiosity. That’s a foundation not just for school but for life.

In closing, choosing to have your children continue in Montessori through the Elementary years is a great and BRAVE decision. Elementary Montessori education inspires and encourages questioning, challenging, and advocating. While some might consider these three characteristics as adversarial, many of us believe that these are what evolve into leadership, confidence, and support, possibly exactly what the world needs. It takes brave people to raise Montessori children!

 Dr. Robin Howe began his Montessori education at the age of 2 at the Barrie School in Silver Spring, MD, where he attended through eighth grade. Graduating from Dickinson College with two majors (Spanish and Religion), he went on to earn a Master’s Degree in Bioethics from the University of South Florida. After a successful career in restaurant management, Robin decided to return to his Montessori roots. He earned his Primary certification from Palm Harbor Montessori School (AMS) and then attended St. Catherine’s University to earn his Lower and Upper Elementary Certification (AMS). He also participated NAMTA’s Orientation to Adolescent Studies (AMI). Robin holds a Doctorate in Educational Leadership from Argosy University and serves as a Senior Montessori School Consultant at The Montessori Foundation.