Dear Montessori Family Alliance Members,

The Montessori Family Alliance is an integral program of the Montessori Foundation, bringing you a variety of parenting tools. We appreciate your continuing support, ideas, and involvement in creating Montessori-inspired family life, as well as in choosing Montessori education for your child. By doing so, you are providing your child with consistency and alignment with two of the most important aspects of their lives: their family and their school.

During the 2022-23 school year, we spent a great deal of time searching for information to better serve you, your family, and your school, whether it be the content we provide or the method of delivering it. You helped by answering surveys, attending focus groups, and volunteering to assist in pilot parenting programs. Thank you.

All of you who are reading this letter are already members of the Montessori Family Alliance.

Because of your participation, we are starting off the 2023-24 school year with some new and exciting offerings for you and your school.

Montessori.org—home of the Montessori Foundation, the International Montessori Council, and the Montessori Family Alliance—officially released The Montessori App in the iOS and Android app stores. This new app organizes all Montessori.org resources into one central spot in a user-friendly, personalized way. Anyone can join the app, free-of-charge, to discover upcoming events and webcasts, receive notifications about news, navigate through our shop, access our website, schedule meetings with consultants, review archived articles and book reviews, and access helpful resources, such as job boards and information about parenting programs, all in one spot.

The Parenting Puzzle: ‘Peacing’ It All Together is a trusted parenting program that many schools offer to their parents and caregivers, either in person or online. It is a family leadership program that is in alignment with Montessori principles and answers the question, “How do the teachers get the children to work and live together so peacefully?” This year, any school that purchases a bulk membership to the Montessori Family Alliance receives a one-year school license to offer this program at their school, valued at $995.00.

In addition to our weekly webinars during the day, we have begun to offer Wit & Wisdom: a family chat on the last Wednesday of each month at 8:00 pm ET. It is an online ZOOM discussion group created for parents and caregivers. Each month, I will host an open discussion on topics of interest in child/adolescent development, children’s behavior, and education. We will share ideas and information together. It is open to all, and it’s free! We truly hope you will join us.

As we continue to provide programs and services for our members, we hope that you will let us know how things are going, because when you feel heard and supported, so do your children.

Lorna McGrath

MFA Program Director

lornamcgrath@montessori.org

ASK QUESTIONS THAT HELP YOUR CHILD SELF-REFLECT.

“Did you do your homework?” “Did you do your chores?” These questions often fall on deaf ears or, at best, lend themselves to dismissive answers, idle promises, and, at worst, disrespectful retorts.

Four very important things happen when we learn to ask good questions:

1. We teach children the important life skill of self-reflection. This skill is necessary to improve our character. A mother who was taking the training to become a Redirecting Children’s Behavior Instructor asked her learning-challenged son how he felt about his spelling test. Mom would have normally just asked how he did on the test. His answer was quite surprising to her. He said, “I usually wait until the night before the test to study. I think I will start doing a little bit each night. Then I think I can get a 100 on the test!” Mom had inadvertently lowered her expectations of her son by simply asking for his results. By asking a self-reflective question, her son built his character.
2. You learn more about our child. In the above example, Mom learned that her son really wanted to do better and could come up with a plan on his own.
3. We help build cognitive skills. Mom initially asked for his results on the test which led to a quick or ‘pat’ answers. By asking him how he felt, her son had to stop and think, “How do I feel?”
4. We develop deeper connections. Our kids need to feel connected in order to develop healthy bonds. In the above example, the child felt more connected to his Mom because she cared about how he felt.

Here is a list of effective questions you may want to try.

• “What is your plan for doing your homework, a chore, etc.?”
• “What was something you did that was helpful (any value you want to instill) to someone today?”
• “When were you tempted to not be honest with someone today?”
• “What will happen if_____?”
• “What will you do next time____ happens?“

It is imperative that you ask these questions with curiosity. If your child detects a tone of judgment, they may get defensive or close down. 

 

Kathryn Kvols, a mom of 5, struggled with her parenting skills. Being brought up with strict, shame-based discipline, Kathryn knew she wanted something different for her children and her own peace of mind.

During her 30 years of study on best parenting practices, she wrote the book and parenting course Redirecting Children’s Behavior. This course is being taught in 21 countries and has been translated into 5 languages. Her researched-based strategies have empowered thousands of parents to redirect their kids misbehaviors into positive outcomes without nagging, yelling, or taking away privileges. Redirecting Children’s Behavior can be ordered on Amazon.

A sought-after international speaker, trainer, and parenting coach, her most important role has been her children. Her experiences as a single mom, and a stepmom make her a compassionate and effective facilitator. Her participants always walk away with practical tools they can implement immediately that create connection rather than conflict. For more information visit her website at www.apecparenting.com.

(How to Keep Your Four Granddaughters Occupied and off Their Phones)

My husband and I recently painted our kitchen. Many different shades of green were tried on various walls until we settled on the perfect shade. However, we were left with four different sample testers. I’m very conscious of not wasting just about anything and did not want to toss them. What could I possibly use them for? The answer came through: a project to try out with my four granddaughters. (We have two granddaughters from each of our two daughters, ranging in age from 7.5 to 13.)

The two families were set to visit us in Florida in April. I love to have them do all kinds of projects when we are together. Plus, it would take them off their devices and engage them in conversation for a few hours.

We scheduled a Facetime visit and I presented this idea. My original thought was that I would provide a large canvas divided into 4 equal parts, allowing each granddaughter to use one of the shades of green to paint their portion. I envisioned them doing something abstract in nature and had a finished idea in my head. I only had a few ground rules.

• They needed to collaborate on the project. They like to FaceTime with each other anyway so that was an easy one.

• Prior to coming here they were to send me a sketch of what they planned.

• And, when they began the painting, they needed to respect each other’s work area and not encroach onto anyone’s portion of the canvas.

Sounded simple enough, right? Well, when rethinking the project with my Montessori hat on I realized I was projecting my finished idea on them and not letting them actually come up with their own. Therefore, I was not really having them fully participate in a collaborative project. Hmmm, what to do, what to do? On top of that, the youngest (Harper) opted out of participating because she felt her artwork would never be as good as that of the three older girls. I felt terrible that I had set her up to fail. I needed to think of a way to get back on track with this being a collaboration and not a contest.

As it turned out, the other three decided the idea of abstract wasn’t in their wheelhouse and they would rather have the freedom to change the focus. They actually FaceTimed me and confessed this to me! I was very proud that they were able to tell me their feelings and express ideas they had agreed upon. So, I let go of my perception and told them whatever they came up with for ideas was actually wonderful. Everyone came away from that planning session happy and ready to go forward.

Preparing the Canvas

Stretching and Gesso-ing* a canvas takes some skills which were a little out of the skill level of children of this age, so I did that before they arrived. Plus, in Florida, where it’s quite humid, it was going to take the Gesso longer to dry.

The morning after the girls arrived in Florida, I took Harper quietly aside and explained to her she was free to join if she wished. No pressure, no judgment. She shook her head in a silent understanding way and that was that. She’s always marched to the beat of her own drum. I love that about her. Yet, I didn’t want her to feel excluded so I left the door open. Children need to feel they are safe to express feelings and those feelings are honored and respected.

Over the course of a few days they met and decided how they wanted to divide the canvas, shared thoughts, and changed ideas around. It was interesting that they did this all on their own. I just reaffirmed that this was a collaboration, and I was fine with whatever they were thinking. It demonstrated they were giving real thought to the project and understood the collaboration aspect. The biggest plus for me?

They were so ‘into’ the whole project, that their social media time on devices was quite limited.

Preparing the Environment

We were going to be using acrylic paint, so it was important to set up the work environment correctly. This is a really important part of any project you do with your children. Nothing can make the experience go sideways faster than if paint gets on furniture or flooring and/or clothing, causing tempers to flare and children to feel guilty. We spread a big tarp on the floor of our lanai (screened porch area in Florida) and had plenty of water in our bucket with rags to clean up any spills.

Again, once they began the painting portion, they decided to each use all the shades of green and change a few with adding some black or white. We discussed the difference in adding white hues and black shades to colors and mixing different greens together. Again, this became what the group decided, and I encouraged them to run with their ideas.

Harper looked on, staying in the background. No one tried to convince her to participate. When she came to the realization that everyone was really enjoying themselves, she picked up a brush (since she knew which was her panel) and began painting and chatting about her contribution. I didn’t make a big deal out of it; I just observed or assisted, when asked.

When she came to the realization that everyone was really enjoying themselves, she picked up a brush and began painting…

Since they felt the painting was lacking, they decided they wanted to outline their work in black magic marker. Again, it was their project and they got to make the decisions. Since I always have lots of different art supplies here, two of the girls found their box of plastic gemstones and decided to embellish their panels. Using the glue gun, Raegan was very specific about what the gems would do to tell her story better, while Harper free-formed it. The other two felt their panels were complete, signed, and finished.

Each granddaughter is so different in learning styles and focus. Aubrey is meticulous about every thing she does and strives for perfection.

Her sister, Harper, is way more random in her approach. My oldest, Blakely, took on a bit of a teen-tude, but, I think she actually was very proud of her panel and praised the others for their contributions.

In the end, I ended up with a painting, which now hangs on our lanai wall. I loved watching and talking to them while they were creating this painting from the planting of the idea to the final project. When given the chance, the idea and opportunity to do something collaboratively brings one more memory into the family.

The Finished Project

When the painting was finished I wanted to make certain it was able to be outside so I sealed it with Mod Podge, a sealing product (available through amazon.com). It now proudly hangs on the wall where I hope it will stay until we move. We took a group photo of them with their painting. When I look at the photo, I see the joy and satisfaction on their faces.

Enjoy your time with young children because they grow up in the blink of an eye. It seems like just yesterday when I submitted my first article to Tomorrow’s Child magazine after Blakely Jayne was born thirteen and a half years ago.

This wasn’t an expensive project and could be done on wood if you aren’t experienced with canvas stretching and Gesso. Get creative have some fun! 

*Gesso prepares (or “primes”) canvas for painting, making the surface slightly textured and ready to accept acrylic paint. You can buy gesso from any art supply shop. It is very similar to white acrylic paint, only thinner. It dries hard, making the surface more stiff. Without gesso, the paint would soak into the weave of the canvas. The word gesso is a noun, but many artists also use it as a verb. For example: “You need to gesso your canvas before you paint.”

Margot Garfield-Anderson worked with the Montessori Foundation for twenty years, serving in many capacities. Happily retired, Margot continues to act as a volunteer with the Foundation, the International Montessori Council, and is a regular contributor to Tomorrow’s Child Her role as grandmother to four adorable granddaughters, using the Montessori way of life, has been her greatest joy.

by Friends of the Montessori Family Alliance

A MONTESSORI MOM’S GUIDE

Hello fellow Montessori parents, I’m Sarah, a seasoned Montessori mom. As parents, we’ve experienced the joy, curiosity, and sometimes even a bit of confusion that comes with the Montessori journey. I remember the first time I was invited to observe my daughter Gabriella’s class, I was both excited and unsure about what to expect. Over the years, I’ve learned that these observations offer a unique window into our children’s world, and I’d love to share my insights with you.

MY JOURNEY AS AN OBSERVER

The first time I visited Gabriella’s Montessori class, I was instructed to sit in the designated visitor’s chair and observe. At first, it felt a bit strange, sitting in a bustling room full of children, quietly watching. However, with time, I realized the importance of being a silent observer and allowing the class to carry on with its regular routine.

My best advice to you would be to schedule your visits ahead of time with your child’s teacher. This way, the class remains undisrupted, and you get to see an authentic day unfold in the Montessori environment. I found that it’s also crucial to give the younger ones a bit of time to settle into their new routine at the start of the school year before planning a visit.

GUIDANCE THROUGH OBSERVATION

Over the years, I’ve developed a keen eye for certain elements during my visits. Here’s what you might want to look for:

Classroom Layout: The first thing that struck me about the Montessori classroom was its child-centric design. Notice how everything, from the activities to the furnishings and shelves, is within a child’s reach, encouraging independence.

Adult-Child Interactions: The teacher-student relationship in a Montessori classroom is distinct. Watch how teachers guide rather than instruct, fostering a respectful and nurturing environment.

Child’s Workflow: Choose a child and follow their work pattern for a while. Observing Gabriella taught me that every child has a unique pace and method of learning. This understanding has helped me become more patient and supportive as a parent.

…I REALIZED THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING A SILENT OBSERVER AND ALLOWING THE CLASS TO CARRY ON WITH ITS REGULAR ROUTINE.

Teaching Methods: Observe how lessons are imparted to individual students or small groups. I was amazed to see how the teachers adjusted their teaching style according to each child’s needs.

Montessori Materials: Pay attention to how the children interact with the Montessori materials. Seeing Gabriella drawn towards certain activities helped me understand her interests and aptitudes better.

Peer Learning: One of the beauties of Montessori education is peer learning. Watching older children guide the younger ones was a heartwarming experience.

Self-correction: Another striking Montessori principle is self-correction. Watching children correct their own work instilled in me a great respect for the Method and helped me trust Gabriella’s problem-solving abilities more at home.

WHAT I LEARNED AS A MOM

Observing Gabriella’s Montessori class transformed me as a mom. I learned the importance of patience, trust, and respect in guiding my child’s development. I discovered how to encourage Gabriella’s independence, help her follow her interests, and foster her problem-solving skills. This understanding has helped me create a nurturing environment at home that aligns with her Montessori experience.

Remember, observing is not about scrutinizing every detail; it’s about gaining insights into your child’s learning journey. I hope my experiences will guide you on this beautiful path of observation. Happy observing! 

3 Mariposas Montessori Cabarete, Dominican Republic

There is no need for words, is there? The pictures below tell you exactly how our students felt about the beginning of the 3 Mariposas Montessori Summer Program in Cab arete, Dominican Republic, this summer. For more information about this school, visit their website at 3mariposasmontessori.com

3 Mariposas offers Montessori from early childhood through the elementary years.

“Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and, when the grass of the meadows is damp with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath it’s shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them in the morning as it wakes every living creature that divides its day between waking and sleeping.

— The Discovery of the Child, Maria Montessori.

The Montessori Foundation would love to highlight your child’s Montessori school or their summer activities. Send high-resolution photos and a brief story or description along with a “permission to publish.”

Editor’s Note: Although Montessori’s Nido program is not offered at all Montessori schools, it is specially designed for infants.

Relationships, collaboration, and community are pillars of Montessori Nido programs. As an infant guide, I know that secure attachment with children under the age of three lays a foundation for social and emotional wellness for the rest of a child’s life and I am equipped from my training to gracefully accomplish this heavy feat within the classroom. I also know that parent partnerships are equally important to the success of my students, but the reality of working parents and Covid restrictions have made this challenging. In a post-pandemic world, the task of reconstructing communities is made harder by the difficulties for people who are adjusting to the new experience of parenthood. This is something that I sought to support for the parents of my students this school year.

I decided to find a way to connect the parents not only with the school and teachers but also with each other. The time constraints of the school day were simply not conducive for this task, so I sent out a poll to my parent community and asked if they were interested in gathering together and when they were available for such a thing. The consensus was a Saturday afternoon and 100 percent confirmation that they would love an opportunity to get together! So I set out to organize a once-a-month social for all the families in my classroom. On the first Saturday of every month at 1:30 pm, I open my classroom for an hour to any family or assistant teacher who is free and interested to join me. I organize a simple developmentally appropriate activity such as art exploration, music time or a sensory experience that can easily be recreated at home. I prepare the environment like I would for any normal day and open the doors.

The first month I made some pumpkin applesauce and was met by two families on the playground. They chatted together with each other about the school, their children, and the trials of parenting toddlers and infants, all of whom attend our school. The parents asked me casual questions about their child’s interest in trying new foods at school, like the pumpkin applesauce, and even noted how amazed they were at the capabilities of their infant on our playground structure as their nine-month-old climbed up the stairs and slid down the slide all on her own. “I didn’t know she could do that!”

With each month more families joined, and after each event, I received multiple emails thanking me for taking the time out of my weekend to open the classroom to them and for connecting them with other families. It is so wonderful to watch the classroom full of activity between parents and their own child and families who have so much in common but no other time to connect. I also felt so privileged to watch my students amazing their parents each time with their capabilities and independence. The home environment is so different from that of a Montessori classroom for many reasons, but these events helped me to think of ways to share the philosophy and make it accessible to young families. I will be continuing my Saturdays-in-the-Nido tradition, and I invite you all to try it in your Montessori environment too! 

Allison Gerlach is the Lead Directress and Infant/Toddler Coordinator at Magnolia Montessori School (Whitehouse Station, NJ). She will be completing her Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood Administration from Purdue Global University this year, holds an Associate’s Degree in Education (P-12) from Raritan Valley Community College and also completed her Infant/Toddler Montessori certification in 2021 from West Side Montessori School.

by Montessori Family Alliance Staff

We want our children to grow up to know their own worth and be confident. Praise seems the natural path to get there, yet you hear Montessorians say that you should not give general praise. We focus on the word praise when the focus should be on the word general. We all want to know what to say instead of “good job” or “way to go.” Here are twenty statement starters and one guideline to help you. They may not feel comfortable at first, so practice. Say them out loud, practice with your children, with your loved ones, and with friends and co-workers.

First the guideline: Observe what is happening and pause to think about it or even ask questions about it. Here are twenty ways to share your observations that help build confidence:

1. I noticed you show your kindness when you…
2. You showed so much creativity in…
3. I could see the hard work you have put into…
4. You really showed curiosity with…
5. Your problem-solving skills were on display when you…
6. Your perspective on ___ is interesting because…
7. You really showed enthusiasm when…
8. I noticed how caring you were when you…
9. I appreciated your honesty when you…
10. I would like your opinion on ___ because I value your opinion.
11. You showed such bravery when you…
12. Your courage in tackling ___ inspires me.
13. You worked so hard doing ___.
14. Thank you for your patience with ___.
15. You are making a difference by ___.
16. I noticed you making others feel included when you ___.
17. Your imagination really shines when you…
18. Your determination with ___ is remarkable.
19. Your ability to forgive really showed when…
20. Your positive energy really affected…