The Hidden Power of Practical Life Skills in Montessori

by Tim Seldin

“All activities connected with caring for oneself and the environment—like getting dressed, preparing food, setting the table, wiping floors, clearing dishes—these are tasks that adults often avoid. Yet, for children between one and four, these jobs are a source of joy, and they eagerly rise to the invitation to participate.” — Dr. Silvana Montanaro

“I love Montessori! I get to make snacks and serve them to my friends. It’s like being a real waiter.” — Phillip, age 5

This photograph from a century ago shows a young Montessori child ladling soup for her classmates at lunchtime. It’s easy to imagine her parents asking the same question many do today: “What does this have to do with learning to read or write?” In Montessori, Practical Life activities—such as washing tables, pouring water, polishing, sweeping, and dusting—are not just chores; they are foundational learning experiences.

 

 

Through these hands-on tasks, children develop an inner sense of order, focus, and independence. By caring for their environment, meeting their own needs, and helping others, Montessori students learn more than just skills—they learn how to learn.

Here’s a glimpse into a Montessori day that captures this philosophy:

It’s 10 o’clock, and Amani is hungry. She heads over to the snack table and prepares celery sticks with peanut butter, pouring herself apple juice from a pitcher made for small hands. When she finishes, Amani carefully wipes her placemat. This inspires her to clean, so she gathers a small bucket, sponge, brush, towel, and soap, and she starts methodically washing a table.

 

 

As she scrubs, she’s absorbed by the patterns of the soap suds. When she’s done, she tidies up, leaving the table somewhat clean—but that’s not the point. What Amani is truly learning is patience, independence, and the ability to concentrate on a sequence of steps.

 

 

Another child, Meredith, sees that the windows need to be cleaned. She gathers the window-washing kit and begins to spray a nontoxic solution on the glass. She uses a small squeegee and wipes it with a clean cloth. When done, she moves on, choosing activities that interest her.

In a Montessori classroom, children are genuinely responsible for their space. When hungry, they prepare snacks; when spills happen, they clean up. They practice self-care and community care—each action cultivating confidence and independence.

A Foundation Beyond Skills

Montessori isn’t just about teaching children to count or read; it’s about shaping the people they will become. We focus on developing self-discovery, resilience, and a joyful pursuit of knowledge. This isn’t merely an academic education but an education of the heart and mind. In this setting, children learn with patience, curiosity, and a sense of personal responsibility.

Montessori’s classroom for children between three and six years old is called a Children’s House—a true community of young children. Dr. Maria Montessori’s vision was not to create a more advanced kindergarten but an empowering environment where children are respected as individuals. Here, they develop social and emotional connections, form lasting friendships, and take pride in their shared responsibility for the space and each other.

As children thrive in this nurturing community, they begin to believe in themselves. In this atmosphere, they maintain their natural curiosity and willingness to explore. They learn that mistakes are not failures but stepping stones to growth. With this foundation, they grow to view learning as a journey rather than a destination.

 

 

Growing up this way

As a child, I attended the Barrie School in Washington, D.C. Barrie was founded by my mother in 1932. Later,

I returned to teach and eventually served as headmaster for 22 years.

As a child, I remember arriving at school on frosty mornings, stopping by the kitchen for a piece of toast or some cereal, and helping myself with a bit of guidance from older students. As we grew, so did our contributions to the school.

Barrie was a community of several hundred children ranging in age from two to eighteen. Our food was made in the school kitchen, and older students volunteered to help with preparation. I spent mornings peeling potatoes and stirring stew alongside our cook, Edith, and friends.

After meals, we carried dishes back to the kitchen, washed them by hand, swept sidewalks, watered gardens, fed animals, and tutored younger students.

These daily acts connected us with everyone on campus— from bus drivers to teachers. They taught us the importance of community, and to this day, I still enjoy washing dishes.

The Lifelong Value of Practical Life Skills

“In the special environment prepared for the child, they express an inner need: ‘Help me to do it by myself!’

In Montessori, the classroom itself is a “children’s house,” where children play an active role in caring for the space. They prepare snacks, clean tables, sweep floors, and organize shelves. Through these activities, they learn much more than basic tasks; they develop self-respect, resilience, and a love for learning.

 

 

Confidence grows when children feel capable and independent. Montessori classrooms are designed to foster this growth. Here, children’s actions say, “Help me learn to do it for myself!” By encouraging them to be self-sufficient and organized, we set the stage for a lifetime of strong work habits and a sense of responsibility.

Independence does not magically appear as children grow; it must be nurtured. In Montessori, children start young, learning to tie their shoes or pour their own milk. Small successes like these lead to a sense of confidence and pride.

 

 

As they mature, Montessori students learn Practical Life skills that prepare them for daily living, like cooking, sewing, managing money, gardening, and even simple home repairs. However, perhaps the most essential skill is learning how to work and play with others kindly. Kindness and respect are daily practices in the Montessori classroom, where children learn to be thoughtful and responsible toward their community. They learn to treat themselves and others with dignity.

Montessori schools aim to be close-knit communities where people learn together in an atmosphere of warmth, respect, and cooperation. Teachers are mentors and guides, helping children grow in understanding and compassion for each other’s unique backgrounds and interests.

Montessori Practical Life activities are the heart of Montessori education. They teach children to be confident, responsible, and independent human beings who find joy in learning and meaningful work. 

Tim Seldin is President of the Montessori Foundation and Chair of the International Montessori Council. His more than 40 years of experience in Montessori education includes 22 years as Headmaster of the Barrie School in Silver Spring, Maryland, his alma mater from toddler through high school graduation. Tim was Co-Founder and Director of the Institute for Advanced Montessori Studies and the Center for Guided Montessori Studies. He earned a B.A. in History and Philosophy from Georgetown University, an M.Ed. in Educational Administration and Supervision from The American University, and his Montessori certification from the American Montessori Society.

Tim is the author of several books on Montessori Education, including How to Raise An Amazing Child, Montessori 101, The World in the Palm of Her Hand. and Montessori for Every Family, co-authored with Lorna McGrath. Look for The Montessori Way, coming out in May, 2025.

 

 

Many parents believe that the word discipline means to punish. In reality, it means to teach.

Testing your limits

Every child will test the rules to some degree. In fact, most acts of testing parents are a normal part of a child’s process of growing up. When children test adults, it is often their way of expressing feelings that they don’t understand, and from our responses, they gradually learn how to handle their emotions appropriately. By testing the limits, they learn that we really care about certain ground rules of grace and courtesy in our relationships. In acting out, they are taking their first tentative steps towards independence, attempting to demonstrate that we don’t control them completely.

Family ground rules

Some families have far too many rules when all that is needed are some basic guidelines that underpin what we expect and hope from all members of the human race. There is no need to be creative and think up something to govern every aspect of your children’s lives. Agree on your family’s ground rules and get them written down and displayed so that both parents and caregivers can refer to them. Teach your child how to do the right thing rather than focusing on their mistakes. In the Montessori-inspired home, there are usually just a few basic rules.

• Treat everyone with respect.

• If you use something, put it back correctly when you are finished.

• If you break or spill something, clean it up.

• Tell the truth, and don’t be afraid to admit when you make a mistake.

You should be absolutely clear in your mind about your family’s ground rules. Explain them positively rather than as prohibitions. Instead of saying, “Don’t do that!” the rules should tell your child what to do. Teach them how to follow them as if you were teaching any lesson in everyday life skills. Model the same behaviors that you are trying to encourage in your child. Consciously try to catch your child doing something right and reinforce and acknowledge even the small steps they are taking in the right direction. Don’t wait until they have mastered a new skill; encourage them along the way.

When your child breaks a ground rule, you can do several things other than scold, threaten, or punish.

You can redirect them by suggesting a more appropriate choice. You can remind them of the ground rule and politely (but firmly) ask them to stop. If the situation is not emotionally charged (that is, if you are not personally aggravated), you can re-teach the basic lesson about how to handle such situations.

Be consistent. If you find that you cannot bring yourself to reinforce a rule, again and again, it should not be a ground rule. A few good rules are much better than dozens that are often ignored.

Teaching tidiness

Show your child how to put their toys away after they have finished playing with them.

Reducing Power Struggles

Sooner or later, every child will stubbornly say, “No, I don’t want to!” This is the power struggle that starts in the toddler years and often continues throughout childhood and adolescence. Many people call the toddler stage the “terrible twos,” but it doesn’t have to be—not with two-year-olds or with older children.

Power struggles start in situations where parents and children are determined to get their own way, and neither party is willing to back down. Underneath, each feels frustrated and threatened. Parents feel that their children are directly challenging their authority. Children in situations such as this are usually feeling powerless. They are attempting to assert their autonomy and establish more of a balance of power in their relationship with their parents.

Don’t punish, teach.

Threats and punishments are not good tools for getting children to behave. When children are angry or asserting their independence, they often misbehave and don’t care if they are punished.

Those children who do respond to threats and are shaken by punishments are anxious to please us and win back our love. Arguably, these children will respond just as well to other forms of discipline. While punishments tend to produce immediate results, they are rarely long-lasting.

Explaining ground rules positively

Teach your child how to handle certain situations rather than scold or punish them.

Strategies for minimizing power struggles

Here are some strategies to help reduce the number of power struggles and the use of the word “No!” you and your children can get most, if not all, of what you are after.

Power struggles can be minimized by giving your child meaningful levels of independence and responsibility in everyday life. This makes her feel powerful and grown up.

Reserve “no” for really important issues, such as an activity that might harm your child, others, or one that causes damage.

 

Give your children choices. Whenever you can, look for ways to let your children choose between two equally acceptable alternatives. “Would you like to have water or milk with your dinner?”

Teach your child to politely say “no”: “Mom, I really do not feel like doing that now.”

Teach your child to do things correctly and emphasize the positive rather than using anger. Above all else, try never to ask your child unanswerable questions, such as, “How many times do I have to tell you?” to which the response would be, “I don’t know, Dad! How many times do you have to tell me?”

Teaching Lessons In Grace And Courtesy At Home

Practicing games that teach good manners can help your child learn how to behave well in any company. Here are some more ideas for lessons in grace and courtesy:

Keep in mind Robert Heinlein’s golden rule of family life: “Kindness and courtesy are even more important between husbands and wives and parents and children than between total strangers.”

Don’t simply give in; look for ways that might allow you to back down gracefully. Often, through compromise, both

• Saying “please” and “thank you.”

• Using a kind tone when speaking to your child: no whining or yelling.

 

 

• Asking for a turn or if you can play too.

• Introducing yourself.

• Opening and closing doors.

• Coughing and sneezing in a way that protects others.

• Giving people compliments and encouragement.

• Allowing others to pass in front of you or to go first.

 

• Saying “excuse me” if you bump into someone.

• Responding politely when someone calls you or says your name.

• Walking around areas where other children are working or playing on the floor and not stepping over them.

• Learning how to wait.

• Not interrupting other people when they are talking.

• Answering the telephone politely.

Good Manners

In Montessori schools, the “lessons in grace and courtesy” (exercises that set a tone of respect and kindness) are taught alongside the more conventional subjects in the curriculum.

We show our children how to shake hands, greet a friend, and say goodbye. We demonstrate how to politely interrupt someone who is busy and how to tell someone, “no, thank you.” We teach children how to speak indoors and how to play nicely. We show them how to offer a sincere apology and how to resolve conflicts peacefully. We help children develop body control through balance and coordination lessons, which foster grace and courtesy.

We teach children grace, which is how to move thoughtfully. This allows them to navigate spaces without bumping into others or dropping items and to enter a room with awareness and composure.

As parents, we can teach our children socially appropriate behavior using similar Montessori strategies.

Simple Lessons

The first step is to explain a situation and demonstrate the right way to handle it. Then, have your child practice with you. Children enjoy these lessons if they are kept short, and if they are not embarrassed by making a mistake.

For example, if your children tend to yell at the top of their lungs inside the house, you need to show them how to keep the noise to a level that does not disturb other people. As it is happening, politely ask your child to speak softly. Then, choose a moment when neither of you is upset to give them a lesson on the right way to speak indoors.

Speak in simple language. You might say: “I want to talk to you about indoor voices. When we are outdoors, it’s so big, and sometimes we need to shout so we can hear each other. When we are outdoors, it doesn’t hurt our ears when someone talks loudly, so we can use our outdoor voices. But when we are indoors, it hurts our ears if we talk too loudly. When we are indoors, we need to use our indoor voices.”

Now, show your child what you mean. Talk very loudly and ask, “Was I using my indoor voice or my outdoor voice?” Talk normally. “What do you think? Was I using my indoor or my outdoor voice?”

You can teach all sorts of lessons this way, everything from saying “please” and “thank you” to closing doors quietly. Some families have the “manner of the week.” They introduce a new courtesy rule each week and practice it over meals and around the house.

Role Models

To teach children good manners, they need to see that their parents follow them consistently as well. The example that we set through our behavior is more powerful than anything we say. Children absorb everything they see us do, especially when they are very young, and soon, they begin to talk and act just like us. We are their role models.

Bearing in mind that your child will be influenced profoundly by the people around them, engage them in a discussion about the behavior of the children and adults with whom they spend their time—grandparents, cousins, family friends, playmates, etc. It is not your place to judge your extended family or other people’s families and how they behave, nor is this something you can control or avoid. Instead, be curious and ask questions that help your child navigate these differences.

Often, parents worry about the “negative influence” of others and seek to protect their children from these experiences. Still, exposure to different behaviors, value systems, cultures, and parenting styles can be seen as opportunities for your child to practice grace and courtesy, inclusion, tolerance, and your family values in different contexts.

Learning Kindness, Courtesy, and Manners in Practice

Children learn by example, but they can also be shown how to behave in a caring way through role play. Present these short exercises in calm moments rather than using them to point out a mistake.

Meet and greet: Teach your child the correct way to welcome visitors into their home.

Table manners: Show your child how to pull a chair out and put it back and how to sit down on it correctly.

Careful carrying: Teach your child how to bring something to you, carrying it using both hands and then to set it down correctly.

Care and compassion: Encourage your child to show concern for a friend who is upset.

Coordination and control: Have your child practice walking carefully along a line and watching where they are going to improve balance and coordination.

Saying goodbye: Your child starts to learn friendship skills when they are shown how to offer warm greetings and goodbyes. 

This article is an excerpt from How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way (2nd Edition) by Tim Seldin, published by DK Press.

Scan to order your copy now!

 

“Many have written or spoken of what school should look like from a developmental perspective, but nobody created the complete developmental package that Montessori did.

The underlying assumption in traditional education is that every child in a class can get through the same amount of material within a nine-month academic year, and, of course, this is absurd! Everyone who’s been in a classroom knows that not every child will proceed at the same pace.

The task of education must change. Schools should foster children’s growth and development from the earliest years. It must be, in the deepest sense, brain developmental.

In the Elementary years, it must be about problem-solving and social development, working with other people, and thinking.

In the later years, it really has to be about motivation, mission, and purpose. What are your unique capabilities? What are your unique interests? What are you going to bring to the world that makes you something special?

Traditional education can’t do that.”

Dr. Steve Hughes,

Speaking as part of the Inside Montessori documentary www.quietislandfilms.com/insidemontessori

Imagine a scene: It’s 8:30 p.m. on a Friday. Your 15-year-old daughter, attending a sleepover, rings you up. There’s a shaky edge to her voice. Her friends, experimenting with alcohol, have disappointed her. She’s taken a stand, voiced her discontent, and now she’s isolated. However, she has made a decision that reflects maturity, wisdom, and a robust moral compass.

As a parent, such scenarios might make your heart race. Yet, they underscore the inevitable truth that children grow up facing numerous crosswinds that challenge their convictions. These defining moments shape their identity and decision-making capabilities. As they transition into teenagers (and then adults), they grapple with crucial life choices: selecting careers; colleges; or even life partners.

The Montessori term valorization of the personality beautifully encapsulates this rollercoaster journey toward self-discovery and identity formation. To valorize means to recognize value. In the context of adolescent growth, it signifies recognizing one’s self-worth.

Understanding the Adolescent Transformation

When you look at your little ones, it might be hard to visualize them as angst-filled teenagers. However, adolescence is just around the corner, with its whirlwind of hormonal changes, emotional highs and lows, and thirst for independence. This period marks a gradual detachment from parental reliance, ushering in an era of peer influence and self-exploration.

Pause for a moment. Ponder over the values, traits, and ideals you envision for your child as they embark on their journey to higher education and adulthood. What are your aspirations for them? Jot them down. These reflections will serve as a guiding compass in your parenting journey.

The Montessori Edge in Adolescent Education

Traditional middle and high schools often miss the mark. Their vast size and standardized curriculums frequently alienate students, rendering them mere statistics rather than unique individuals with distinct needs and potentials.

Montessori offers a refreshing departure. Rooted in the philosophy of Dr. Maria Montessori, it recognizes the distinct developmental needs of teenagers. While academic excellence is pursued, Montessori places equal emphasis on socio-emotional growth, interpersonal skills, and character development.

When battling the internal chaos of their shifting identities, young teens often grapple with self-doubt and a yearning for respect. Montessori environments offer them a sanctuary where they’re not just students but adults-in-training, embarking on a voyage of self-discovery.

Valorizing the Young Mind

Every teenager seeks acceptance. Yet, societal constructs often leave them feeling undervalued and misunderstood. The Montessori framework fills this void. It is designed to support the process of valorization, helping them discern their unique strengths, passions, and worth. Montessori middle and high schools champion the adolescent’s quest for identity through a rich program of group activities, hands-on projects, and real-world problem solving.

Activities span beyond the traditional. Students are constantly nudged out of their comfort zones, from camping adventures to creative projects. These experiences bolster their self-confidence and hone their collaborative, communication, and conflict-resolution skills.

Montessori’s emphasis on valorization becomes the bedrock for nurturing resilient, self-aware, and compassionate adults. Fortified by their Montessori experiences, these young individuals are ready to face university life and equipped to navigate life’s intricate maze with confidence and grace.

As parents, our primary goal is to see our children flourish into responsible, empathetic, and confident adults. Montessori middle and high schools serve as catalysts in this transformative journey. By valorizing each student, they lay the foundation for lifelong success, ensuring our children are prepared for both the academic rigors of university and the broader challenges of life.

Tim Seldin is President of the Montessori Foundation and Chair of the International Montessori Council. His more than 40 years of experience in Montessori education includes 22 years as Headmaster of the Barrie School in Silver Spring, Maryland, his alma mater from toddler through high school graduation. Tim was Co-Founder and Director of the Institute for Advanced Montessori Studies and the Center for Guided Montessori Studies. He earned a B.A. in History and Philosophy from Georgetown University, an M.Ed. in Educational Administration and Supervision from The American University, and his Montessori certification from the American Montessori Society. Tim Seldin is the author of several books on Montessori Education, including How to Raise An Amazing Child, and The World in the Palm of Her Hand Look for his new book, Montessori for Every Family, co-authored with Lorna McGrath.