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Book Review: Something Happened in Our Town

Book Review: Something Happened in Our Town

by | Book Review TC September 2021, Book Reviews, MFA, TC September 2021

Something happened in our town cover

Something Happened in Our Town Written by Marianne Celano, Marietta Collins, Ann Hazzard Illustrated by Jennifer Zivoin This is a child’s story about racial injustice. I was trying to decide how old a child should be to either read the book themselves or to have it read to them. Honestly, I’m still not sure about the answer. What I do know is that parents know their own children best, and they know their values and beliefs.

As with many subjects, such as death, sexuality, injustice, or divorce, parents need to decide when and how to tackle sensitive or disturbing subjects. Most importantly, parents need to make it safe for their children to ask questions, answer truthfully, and answer age appropriately. We know that young children often hear about things that we wish they did not; from television, the internet, older siblings, or adults talking. We don’t want them to hear about violence, hate, pandemics, or injustice. But the truth is – they do.

Sometimes, we don’t answer because we don’t want them to lose their innocence or to worry about things that we think they can’t understand. In reality, it can be more upsetting to a child if their questions go unanswered, because we don’t know how to or are uncomfortable about answering them. The good news is that this book will help parents with the very difficult subject of racial injustice. It looks at a situation that involves a police shooting of a black man and how two families of different races explained the incident to their lower elementary-age children. These families were honest and emotional when answering their children. They also helped their children see that there are things they could do to make changes in how people treat each other. Both children put the lessons from their parents into practice at school the next day.

It reminded me of the famous quote from Mahatma Gandhi, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” The illustrations are realistic. They depict a town/city and the children at home with their families and at their school. They do not show the shooting itself. The authors also included eight pages of “Notes to Parents and Caregivers” to help adults answer their children’s questions about racial injustice.

My grandson will be five years old in June. He and his family live in City Center, Philadelphia, PA. He’s bright, curious, and is very aware of things that happen in his city. This story could (and does) take place where he lives. I’m sending this book to him now that I’ve reviewed it for you.

 

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Practical Life for Grown-Ups

Practical Life for Grown-Ups

by | TC September 2021

Scott Osborne

You Can Be a Montessori Adult: Practical Life for Grown-Ups

from Tomorrow’s Child – The Montessori Family Magazine – September/October 2021

By Scott Osborne

Commencement talk given at the NewGate High School May 28, 2021 in Sarasota, Florida

You are now graduating from a Montessori High School: prepare yourself for questions. For the rest of your life, this will be a curiosity to other people. They will ask you about it, and they probably won’t understand it. Embrace this!

If you were lucky enough to be in a Montessori school in your early years, you’ll be able to tell them about the Pink Tower or the Checkerboard or perhaps the big bang lessons. Or maybe you were here at NewGate for weeklong Opera planning or research trips or theater immersion weeks.

But whatever you remember about your Montessori years, embrace them. These experiences have helped make you who you are today.

But you’re no longer a Montessori child. So, tonight, I’m going to give you a few brief suggestions for keeping Montessori in your life – for being a Montessori adult.

I want to encourage you to think of your Montessori education not as something that’s done, something that’s over, but as something that is now in your hands to continue.

About 15 years ago, I was teaching NewGate middle and high school students not so different from yourselves. We used to have many discussions about what they would need going forward – what would help them be the adults they wanted to be.

These conversations about credit cards and college roommates and cooking skills and driving led me to develop what is now called The Competencies Project. It’s like Practical Life for grown-ups.

You undoubtedly know that “Practical Life” is an actual curriculum area in Montessori early childhood classrooms. It’s that time when tiny humans learn table washing and silver polishing, line walking, and water pouring.

Some of you – especially parents – undoubtedly wondered why three-year-olds were learning silver polishing and table washing, activities they were most certainly not doing at home. But Maria Montessori knew what she was doing when she created these lessons.

So, in her honor, I am going to suggest that you continue this Practical Life journey, that you set your sights on new Practical Life skills – adult ones. It’s like the Pink Tower for grown-ups.

These suggestions I am going to offer you today might someday turn your life around. I wager they will have far more impact than the college you (do or do not) attend or the career path you are (or are not) successful in following. These offerings are much like the Montessori Method itself: obscure to outsiders, deceptively simple, yet profoundly significant.

Be forewarned. These first suggestions will make you think I’m crazy, but hear me out.

Take up juggling. Play poker. Compose flower arrangements.

In addition, learn how to:

1. Iron a shirt

2. Sharpen knives

3. Hold a baby with confidence

4. Play pool and billiards (and, yes, poker)

5. Write a condolence note and attend a funeral in a tradition not your own

6. Make a free-standing fire, outdoors, with available materials

7. Eat with chopsticks

8. Tie a Windsor knot tie

9. Orient with a compass

10. Unclog a toilet

11. Open an IRA

12. Use a clock face for telling direction

13. Open a bottle of wine with a traditional wine opener

14. Call someone you do not know on the actual telephone!

15. Drive a manual-shift automobile

Okay, you think. But why? What’s the big deal?

Well, how about some more nuanced Practical Life skills? Can you:

16. Make socially appropriate introductions in any setting

17. Cook a meal in an unfamiliar kitchen, like someone else’s home, figuring out how to navigate neatly and effectively

18. Set up a simple outdoor tent

19. Bargain in markets where prices are not stated – which is most of the world

20. Entertain a group of six-year-olds for an hour

21. Recite a least one poem by heart

22. Make change in another currency

23. Play a portable musical instrument

Those are very hands-on. But what about things you should know?

For example: do you know, without looking them up or consulting an app:

24. Five major star constellations

25. The significant forms of economic production in four other countries

26. The most prevalent health indicators in those other countries

27. The basic principles and vocabulary of a few world sports

28. The fundamental principles of the major world religions

29. The sounds of individual instruments in the orchestra

Before I go on, let’s pause and think about some of these.

If you’re like most people, you will have identified a few of these skills you have mastered.

And for most of the rest of this list, you’ve thought: why bother? You might say: I’ll never need to tie a Windsor knot. And you would be right.

You might also say, And if I do need to tie a Windsor knot, I’ll look it up! You would also be right.

So what good do these do? Are these just nice party tricks or things that will turn your life around?

I would argue these competencies, and others like it (I currently have a list of almost 200) form your foundation, the same way that the Pink Tower and table washing in early childhood provided your foundation then.

Remember, three-year-olds don’t really need to know how to stack a Pink Tower or wash a table! In a way, those too were just cute party tricks for a small child. Yet those lessons opened the door to everything that followed. And you need to continue to open doors — to make your own Practical Life lessons — for a fulfilling and productive adult life.

Continuing to expand your competencies does two things.

First, it provides opportunities for continued mastery. You need to keep making opportunities to say to yourself, Hey, I can do that! Just resting on your laurels, on the skills you’ve learned, is not enough. You need an active means of stepping outside the familiar, stepping outside your comfort zone of abilities, and mastering the new and challenging.

You can’t wait until important, major life challenges come your way. You continue with these small skills — the ones you don’t need — because mastery of those will help give you the confidence to face the real challenges of life.

And second, the experience of learning new skills creates the brain and body architecture you need to master the next big challenges — to be able to do and know the things that are important to you.

Someday you’re going to need to learn something hard, overcome a huge challenge, or just enjoy something new. It is this diverse architecture of experiences — this foundation — that will permit you to do just that.

So I’m telling you to actively continue to develop Practical Life skills, not just career or academic skills (you’ll be faced with those anyway). These are the Montessori Practical Life lessons you’re going to create for yourself.

Let me give you some examples.

One day you’ll see a co-worker busy working on a project, but she’s juggling a baby and a keyboard (because that seems to be what a lot of women do). Because you know how to hold a baby, you can walk over and say, How about I take that little one while you finish working? In that one moment, you will make a new friend for life, you’ll have the amazing sensation of ethereal, soft baby skin next to yours, and you’ll feel like a hero.

Or when you know the major tenets of four world religions and the major export products of a few other countries, think about the insights you’ve gained! You will have a window into entire populations, plus foreign policy, culture, economics, and you’ll probably know a lot more about why your phone or t-shirt costs what it does, just from those few facts.

And when you can distinguish between the different sounds of an oboe and a clarinet and a flute, you’ll be creating pathways in your brain, you’ll be using your senses in new, unexpected ways — and those pathways and senses will be there when you need them.

These competencies – these Pink Towers for grown-ups – give you the stepping stones for where you want to go, just like that first Pink Tower led you to further learning. Only now, you’ll be creating the lessons for yourselves.

So okay, you think, I’ll learn to juggle. I’ll open bottles of wine and start fires and hold babies.

Great. Go for it. But that’s just the warm-up. Here are the big Practical Life skills you’ll want. Even if you ignore all the first ones, you really need these. And they are competencies, skills you can develop, not innate immutable characteristics. There are five.

One, learn to make friends at every stage of life. You’d be amazed at the number of adults who do not feel skilled at this; they literally don’t know how and they don’t talk about it. They just stagnate. You’re very fortunate to come from this supportive school community, this family, if you will. And many of us will always be here for you. But you’re going to change, you’re going to move to new towns, and you’re going to want new friends who are not provided for you, ready-made, at school or work. And you may even outgrow some old friends. You’ll have new interests. How do you find these new people who are right for you? Where would you start? Do you know? That’s a critical life competency and you can develop it. It will put you in good stead all your life.

Two, identify and manage your social anxieties. Can you keep up a reasonable conversation with a totally new person? You’ll want this on your first day of college or your first new job – in person or online – and for much of life thereafter. You need to be able to walk into a room of new people, calmly, solid in yourself. Social anxiety is everywhere – if you experience it, do not think you’re the only one!

The sooner you figure this one out, the sooner you will have removed a huge impediment in life. You show me the college student who drinks far too much every weekend, and I’ll show you the college student with serious social anxieties. This is a competency; the absence of it is not a character flaw. It is a Practical Life skill for grown-ups.

Three, be able to speak up to defend your personal values. I do a lot of advocacy work for causes I care about. Among other things, I do a lot of advising about gender equity – making the world better by helping everyone see past gender.

There’s one issue I get asked the most: how to confront something offensive. People will describe a setting, usually a social setting, where they were told or overheard an offensive remark: perhaps it was openly sexist or homophobic or racist. It made them cringe. And the listener didn’t know what to say or do. We are trained to be polite in social settings, yet how do we bring about changes in attitudes if we remain silent in the face of offensive or unjust comments? Learning what and how to state your own beliefs, appropriately, so you don’t cringe inwardly and don’t alienate people you love — that is a skill you will need. Whatever your strongly held beliefs might be, you’ll need to learn to talk about them outside the controlled setting of the classroom.

And now, the gold star of Adult Practical Life Competencies: Can you articulate personal vulnerabilities safely and honestly? Because you know why? Stuff happens! Someday, if you’re like the average person, you’re going to have some personal issues. When you’re in college, or later, at some point, you will have serious problems you’ll need to articulate and navigate through. We all have problems that come up: mortgages that can’t be met, marriages that dissolve. People find themselves drinking too much. Or maybe a family member is struggling with an eating disorder. This is life! How are you going to cope – with your own issues and those of your friends and family? Have you cultivated people in your life with whom you can share those issues? And this is not just about the dramatic, the cataclysmic. If you’re in the fifth week of college calculus and you have no idea what’s going on and are getting increasingly anxious about failing, can you speak up? You would be amazed at how many people struggle with this. This is a Practical Life competency. You develop it by learning to find people you trust, by starting with small topics.

Let’s be honest, America is a competitive society. People don’t want to reveal perceived weaknesses – they feel it is stigmatizing and will reduce their value, competitively. But that’s not life. For life, you want to practice articulating some problems. It’s a skill you’re going to need and yes, it could have huge ramifications on your future.

And, finally, number five and closely related to four, can you receive vulnerabilities from others? When your roommate turns to you and says, I don’t have any friends, or I can’t make my car payment, will you be ready? Will you be able to be a listener? Will you understand when to help solve a problem and when to just listen — without making the problem about yourself? Or shying away? Or stigmatizing the person? It takes two to be open. Be the other person. for yourself; being open to vulnerabilities; and listening to them from others. They are competencies — not character traits — and they will, over time, be huge determiners of your life.

And those ‘smaller’ skills? Those little ‘unnecessary’ skills, like juggling, using a compass, hearing the oboe? Keep building them. They will give you the confidence to do what you want in life, and they will give you the mind and body architecture to make all the other things possible.

So take up knot tying. And fires. And learn new currencies. And practice talking with openness and vulnerability. These skills can be developed and practiced. You can start from exactly where you are. You just have to be willing to be the learner, the skill developer, the Montessori child all your life. I know you’ll do wonderfully.

The NewGate School is the Lab School of the Montessori Foundation. Its is an international Montessori school for infants through 12th grade.
WWW.NEWGATE.EDU

Scott Osborne is a certified Montessori teacher. She is a lawyer, a nonprofit director, writer, and a gender equality advocate. Her first teaching experience was with the Peace Corps in West Africa, and she has worked primarily with international development organizations, living in seven countries on four continents. Most recently, she lived for three years in India working with small NGOs and teaching English to orphaned teenage girls. Scott is the Chair of Through Women’s Eyes, an international film festival now in its 23rd year. She is president of the United Nations Women-USA, Gulf Coast Chapter.

She raised two terrific Montessori children, who graduated from NewGate School and are both now young adults. Scott is also an avid amateur athlete. She received her bachelor’s degree from the University of Pennsylvania. She received her Juris Doctorate degree from New York University, and an MBA from Princeton University, but (according to her) Montessori certification was the most difficult educational experience she ever had.

This speech was given at the NewGate Montessori High School Commencement in May of 2021. It is part of a forthcoming book: The Competencies Project – How You Can be a Montessori Adult.

This story is from:”Tomorrow’s Child – The Montessori Family Magazine – September/October 2021″
pg 4-7

 

COver TC Sept 2021
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Encouraging Risk Taking

Encouraging Risk Taking

by | Child's Work, Empowerment, Health / Nutrition, MFA, Montessori students, Parent Education, Practical Life, TC September 2021

Boy climbing a net during obstacle course training

from Tomorrow’s Child – The Montessori Family Magazine – September/October 2021

By Peter Pizzolongo

Facing risks is an unavoidable part of life for most adults. So, why do we choose to take risks? Is it for the sensational thrill of trying something new or the tenacious hope that new opportunities will present themselves? Sometimes, maybe, we choose to take a risk just to exhibit a show of confidence. Whatever the reason, the lessons we learn from taking a risk have the potential to lead us on a new path (Rolison 2013) (Zeilinger 2017).

Learning to assess a risk is an essential skill for living.

The ability for adults to take calculated risks has its roots in early childhood. Yet we are in an era of limiting risk taking by children. Most parents (and caregivers of young children) worry about children, wanting them to stay safe—so they resort to limiting the risks that children take. “We are a nation of pushy helicopter parents, . . . waiting below our children on the monkey bars in case they should slip” (Bilinco 2015). By keeping our children ‘safe,’ are we inadvertently preventing them from learning how to calculate risks on their own?

The benefits of taking safe risks.

It is important for children to learn how to take safe risks, i.e., “situations that a child can perceive and choose whether or not they want to participate” (Keeler 2020). Risks that are not safe, aka hazards, are “truly dangerous for a child: situations or objects that the child does not see, cannot make a logical choice about, and that have a definite chance of hurting them.” As Rusty Keeler reminds us in Adventures in Risky Play: What is your yes? Risk is good… Risk is a natural part of life. In fact, learning to assess risk and deciding if you want to take a risk are essential skills for living” (Keeler 2020).

Children engage in play that involves taking risks to experience positive emotions, including: fun, enjoyment, thrill, pride, and self-confidence (Sandseter 2011). In risky play, children “dose themselves with manageable quantities of fear and practice keeping their heads and behaving adaptively while experiencing that fear” (Gray 2014). When a child takes a risk and attempts something outside her comfort zone, she uses the higher-order thinking skills of application and synthesis—applying what she knows to new situations (Church 2020).

The ability to calculate and take risks supports children’s learning in many ways. Taking risks develops and enhances a child’s self-confidence and ability to manage and overcome fear. Risk-taking promotes the kind of play that involves children’s use of problem-solving skills, self-regulation, and reflection. I would consider what helped me succeed. If the experience did not end as I expected, I would try to figure out what failed.

The ability to calculate and take risks supports children’s learning in many ways.

In “The Role of Risk in Play and Learning,” Joan Almon notes, “play means taking risks . . . Children are constantly trying out new things and learning a great deal in the process.” This is most evident in the risk-taking that children engage in as they use their muscles and senses in physical activities. When children are encouraged to take safe risks, they learn to assess what they can do and match that with activities that have an element of risk.

Children think about how high they can climb, from what height they can jump, and so on. They might find that what they were attempting is not possible and use problem-solving skills to try an alternative. These children are developing and using resilience; they will determine what they need to do to succeed or decide to abandon the task. Through taking safe risks, children “acquire better motor control and learn what is dangerous and what isn’t” (Sandseter 2011). A preschooler encountering a pile of logs might investigate how secure the logs are on the ground and decide whether she can climb on the pile or not. She is learning how to manage risk and develop an understanding of safety (Knight 2011). Taking risks while building physical skills is an important component of development and learning for young children.

The Role of Teachers

Recognizing the general processes of children’s development and learning in all areas is vital. It is the parent’s and teacher’s responsibility to identify the safe risks vs hazards and to set clear and reasonable limitations so that children understand what they may and may not do in the play environment.

Taking risks while building physical skills is an important component of development and learning for young children.

Understanding Developmentally Appropriate Practice is Key

Understanding developmentally appropriate practice is key: recognizing the general processes of children’s development and learning in all areas. In addition, they must consider the strengths, interests, and limitations of each child and be aware of the social and cultural contexts in which each child lives (NAEYC 2020). They must also “up the ante” when they discern children are ready for bigger challenges.

The two examples below show the difference between what is appropriate for a toddler and what is appropriate for a preschool child.

Eighteen-month-old Darius is beginning to use depth perception in his play. Today he demonstrated how he scans for obstacles and moves based on that information. He has gained control of a variety of movements: stooping, going from sitting to standing, running, and jumping. Darius shows an understanding of what size openings are needed for his body to move through, and today he successfully crawled through the tunnel.

Toddlers develop their physical abilities by continuously stretching themselves. Darius has learned (probably through trial and error) what size opening he can fit through. As toddlers freely navigate their relatively safe and supervised environment, they begin to figure out what are reasonable risks to take.

Four-year-old Ximena enjoys balancing on one leg and on the balance beam. Today she walked the entire length of the balance beam and ended by jumping off and standing on one leg for a few seconds. She coordinates her movements when jumping, hopping, and running. Ximena has mastered several large muscle skills, and after her jumping-hopping running experience, she climbed the ladder and slid down the slide—several times.

Preschoolers are adept at responding to physical challenges when such experiences are promoted. They can reach great heights on the climber, dangle upside down, and move from rung to rung with increasing ease. They can climb trees, cycle at fast speeds, and engage in ‘play fighting’ without actually hitting each other. They can balance on a beam, set increasingly higher as children begin mastering balance. They can climb up the slide, rather than only using the steps. Preschoolers can figure out how to get across a shallow creek using rocks and logs. With adult supervision, they can also begin to take risks at the fine motor level, for example, slicing fruits with a sharp paring knife.

What is your risk tolerance?

As a parent and/or teacher, you will need to determine your own tolerance to risk. What type of risky behaviors are you willing to let children engage in? If you have low risk tolerance when it comes to children’s play, it would be helpful to review expectations for young children at various stages of development and think about what children would like to do to ‘up the ante’. Then, recognizing that children are stretching themselves, your primary role “is to enable the stretching process to be manageable and safe enough . . . to help [children] to take reasonable risks” (Almon 2013).

Finally, the role of the teacher is to help children be aware of their actions and encourage safe risk-taking. Here are some examples, adapted from NAEYC’s Developmentally Appropriate Practice:

• Encourage children to choose their own learning activities: “We have several activities set up in the outdoor area today. You can choose what you want to do first.”

• Acknowledge children’s activities:

“You’re building with a lot of loose parts today!”

• Encourage them with specific feedback:

“Wow, you are certainly climbing higher today than I’ve seen you climb before!”

• Ask open-ended questions: “If you want to cross the creek, what will you need to step on so you stay dry?”

• Pose problems and ask questions, providing just enough assistance so the child can attempt a task at a skill level just beyond what she can do on her own (scaffolding): “You’ve been somersaulting down this hill. How else can you get from the top to the bottom of the hill?”

Supporting children as they explore ways to take safe risks sets them on the path to becoming adults who develop the confidence that comes from assessing risks and determining a course of action they learn from taking risks and who explore the opportunities to which risk-taking can lead.

References

Almon, J. 2013. “The role of risk in play and learning.” Community Playthings. Online: http://www.communityplaythings. com/resources/articles/2013/ the-role-of-risk-in-play-and-learning.

Blincoe, K. 2015. “Risk is essential to childhood—as are scrapes, grazes, falls and panic”. The Guardian. Online: https://www. theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/ oct/14/risk-essential-childhoodchildren-danger?fbclid=IwAR0CZE vfmAN0udIDxWrI9xQHfob4QYM DT_R4eDpdLBvUInIkQutU0LNCapc

Church, E.B. n.d. “When to challenge children.” Early Childhood Today. Online: https://www.scholastic.com/ teachers/articles/teaching-content/ when-challenge-children/.

Gray, P. 2014. “Risky play: Why children love it and need it”. Psychology Today. Online: https://www.psychologytoday. com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201404/ risky-play-why-children-love-it-and-need-it.

Keeler, Rusty. 2020. Adventures in Risky Play: What Is Your Yes? Lincoln NE: Exchange Press.

Knight, S., 2011. “Why adventure and why risk in the early years?” ChildLinks. 3. Online: https://www.researchgate.net/ publication/275039981_children’s_ risky_play_in_early_childhood_education_ and_care.

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). 2020. Developmentally Appropriate Practice. Washington DC: NAEYC. Online: dap-statement_0.pdf (naeyc.org) Rolison, J.J., Y. Hanoch, S. Wood, & P. J. Liu. 2013. Risk-taking differences across the adult life span: a question of age and domain. Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 69(6), 870–880, doi:10.1093/ geronb/gbt081. Online: https:// academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/ article/69/6/870/545646.

Sandseter, E. 2011. “Children’s risky play in early childhood education and care”. ChildLinks. 3.

Zeilinger, J. 2017. “7 reasons why risk-taking leads to success”. The Huffington Post. Online: 08/13/2013 03:15 pm ET Updated Sep 25, 2017

Peter Pizzolongo is President of Early Education Consulting and former Vice-President of the Delaware AEYC Governing Board. He has held the positions of Training and Technical Assistance Coordinator of the National Center on Early Childhood Education, Teaching, and Learning (NCECDTL) at Zero to Three; Associate Executive Director for Professional Development at NAEYC; and Director of the Analytical Support and Technical Assistance Services Division of CSR, Incorporated—a social sciences research and management support firm. He has over 30 years of experience as an author; training and technical assistance provider; program evaluator; Head Start and childcare agency administrator; teacher; and human services program manager. Mr. Pizzolongo has authored or co-authored more than 30 publications, digital programs, and other resources. He has conducted training programs on numerous topics, including child development; early childhood education; developmentally appropriate practice, ethics; developmental assessments; health and mental health; nutrition; parenting; and program evaluation. Mr. Pizzolongo has been a member of the University of Delaware (UD) College of Education and Human Development Dean’s Advisory Council since September 2015. He received his B.A. in psychology in 1972 and his M.S. in human resources with a child development major in 1974, both from the University of Delaware and coursework in the use of technology in education programs from the University of Maryland.

 

Group of small kids walking on a tree trunk in nature.
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7 Practices to Develop Character

7 Practices to Develop Character

by | Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Emotionally Healthy Children, Empowerment, MFA, Montessori Family Life, Montessori Parenting, Parent Education, TC September 2021

Portrait of Preschool Age Girl Holding Rainbow Sign of Hope

from Tomorrow’s Child – The Montessori Family Magazine – September/October 2021

by Cassi Mackey, M.Ed.
We want to raise our children to be great human beings, but how do we develop strength of character in our children? According to Dr. Montessori, “Character formation cannot be taught. It comes from experience and not from explanation.”

Centering strong character traits in your family through modeling, experiences, and conversations is the foundation of developing strength of character. Practicing character is a daily decision that needs to be made, time and time again. Practice brings permanence if it is purposeful and deliberate.

What follows are seven practices in helping children start to develop strong character.

Practicing Integrity

• Model integrity. Live your values. Do your actions and words reflect your family values?

• Articulate your family values so they become a natural way of thinking and behaving.

• Develop a moral vocabulary. Children need to understand words, such as honesty, trust, fairness, integrity, etc. Teach children behaviors that embody these words.

• Acknowledge children when they are demonstrating integrity, not rewarding them but acknowledging them by telling them how much you value their behavior.

• Discuss and give examples of the effects your child’s actions have on themselves and on others.

• Respond to children’s behavior with calmness and consistency. Be open to listening to your child’s reasoning for an action before instinctually admonishing and correcting, then remind them of the expectations and decide on a natural consequence that is consistent and clearly understood.

Practicing Kindness

• Model kindness. Children learn how to relate with others by observing the adults around them and how they treat other people. Show them what it means to be kind and name the action as kindness.

Try to always speak kindly to your children, especially when you are tired, frustrated, or angry.

• Share stories of kindness, whether personal stories, stories in books, stories on the news, etc. Stories are a wonderful way of building an understanding of kindness.

• Assess the teasing in your household. Is it demeaning, provoking, or humiliating?

Remember, children learn how to play and interact with peers by their own experiences at home.

• Discuss how their behavior affects those around them, whether it is positive or negative.

• Give your children opportunities to serve others. Show them that holding a door open for someone, smiling and saying hello, and thanking the cashier, are all demonstrations of kindness.

• Expect kindness when your child speaks to you. When your child speaks to you rudely, simply state how you would like to be talked to. Do not get into an exchange with them, just simply state your preferred specifics of communication. Be consistent.

Do not let poor tone or attitude slide.

Practicing Positivity

• Model being positive. Take the time to monitor how you present your life experience to your children. Do they hear you regularly speaking positively or negatively?

Try to point out the good side of events and experiences.

• Address failure as an opportunity for growth. Help your children self-evaluate situations. Ask the questions: What went well and what would you change if you could? Encourage your child to develop a plan of action to effect change the next time around.

• Challenge your children when they are personalizing (“It was all my fault”) globalizing (“I always make mistakes”), or catastrophizing (“I will never do anything right”). You do not have to contradict your children’s explanation, but encourage them to come up with positive outcomes to the situation.

• Encourage children to set their own goals and think through how they plan on achieving them. This process gives them agency and a sense of competence that often leads to success. Encourage them to focus on the best possible outcomes and, as such, they will align their thoughts in that way and work toward achieving the outcome they want.

Practicing Gratitude

• Model gratitude. Make it a habit to notice and verbalize the things for which you are grateful.

• Ask your children questions to help them start to notice things that deserve gratitude: What have you noticed today that you were given that you are grateful for? and, Are there things in your life that you are grateful for that aren’t gifts or material things?

• Create space for conversations regarding how they feel when they receive something (including non-material things).

Help them associate positive feelings with someone else’s actions. As often as possible, highlight the idea that people and events can give us good feelings.

• Teach gratitude through action. Ask your children if there is a way that they would like to show how they feel about a gift, an event, or a person. Children can use their special talent or interest, for example, and make up a song and/or paint a picture to express their gratitude.

Practicing Flexibility

• Model flexibility. Tell children when and how you are being flexible as things come up throughout the day, whether as part of a minor or major event. Explain how you are being flexible and, when appropriate, involve children in the new plan. the routine at home every once in a while, helping them become accustomed to managing change.

• Change the rules to board games; start out with small changes, so they can see how they can adjust. Then, make more changes.

• Give positive reinforcement when your children demonstrate flexibility and change their course of action.

• Teach your child strategies to take when a change occurs. Teach them to stop and breathe, state the problem, consider at least three possible solutions, then select one to try.

Practicing Effort

• Model effort. Show your willingness to take risks and try new things, even when they are hard.

• Acknowledge effort, bravery, risk-taking, open-mindedness, and keeping a positive outlook.

• Teach children to monitor their effort.

Help them reflect on whether they gave their best in an activity.

• Help children recognize and celebrate their effort by asking them, What was something you did today where you felt proud of how hard you tried?

• Make it easy to work hard by preparing the environment with the tools they need to succeed with a task.

• Help your children work through challenges by modeling self-talk. Children can learn how to persist if they talk out the problem, coupled with positive self-talk.

• Show your children the progress they have made. Remind them of where they started and how far they have come.

Practicing Accountability

• Model personal accountability. Demonstrate accountability by apologizing and making amends when necessary. You will show your children you are responsible for the consequences of your actions.

• It is important that your children know exactly what is expected of them and the consequences of not meeting expectations.

They also need to know what is non-negotiable and what is open for discussion and mutual agreement.

• Allow your children to be responsible for their actions. Even a three-year-old can clean up a spill; spilling is normal, but cleaning up the spill is also normal.

• Parents should not point fingers or make children feel defensive about behavior.

They should acknowledge when a child owns up to a mistake, and help them come up with a solution on how to make amends; and do something differently next time.

• Give children age-appropriate choices and chores.

• Encourage children to participate in decision-making to develop accountability.

The road to strong character is paved with practice. It is a journey, and it is going to have ups and downs. The term practicing is not inadvertent. Have patience and remember what your ultimate goal is for your child. 

Cassi Mackey, M.Ed. is passionate about helping families create sacred spaces where love, joy, and honest connections are nurtured. Cassi has witnessed the transformational power when families engage in Montessori philosophy as an imputable practice. It is a promise of more meaningful relationships, greater depth of experience, and a broader, more compassionate view of oneself and the world. Cassi has lived, learned, and taught the Montessori pedagogy for the last 30 years as a Montessori 9-12 teacher, a school principal, and a consultant. She consults with (and provides advice to) Montessori communities and families that are intent on providing safe harbors for children. Contact Cassi via email at: cassimackey11@gmail.com.

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How Can I Get Involved With My Child’s School?

How Can I Get Involved With My Child’s School?

by | Family Resources, MFA, Montessori Education, Montessori Family Life, Montessori Parenting, Parent-Teacher Communication, TC September 2021

volunteer

from Tomorrow’s Child – The Montessori Family Magazine – September/October 2021

by Montessori Foundation Staff

Here are a few ways in which you might be able to help your school.

There are some things that even money can’t buy, and one of the most valuable contributions that families make to a school is the gift of their time and expertise.

Parents, grandparents, and friends of the school are often found helping in the office, assisting in the classrooms, serving as field-trip drivers, offering a special class, planning the next special event, coaching, or serving on parents’ associations or school committees.

Parents play a crucial role in Montessori. Our schools are communities of parents and educators (many of whom will also have children enrolled at the school). Our ideas and input often help to shape the school.

Montessori schools are normally very responsive to suggestions and concerns.

Most Montessori schools encourage families to participate in the broader life of the school through social and educational activities. Although many parents spend considerable amounts of time as volunteers, except for parent-cooperative schools, there is normally no expectation for a set-time commitment.

Parents and grandparents who give of their time and talent share with their children special memories of experiences and friendships that endure well beyond their graduation.

Volunteer a few hours a week to help in the office.

Lend your time and support to our fundraising efforts.

Serve as a class parent.

Help to organize a reunion for former students and their families.

Help out in the library.

Help put together the school newsletter.

Join in at open houses to meet prospective families.

Teach a special course.

Volunteer to be an Ambassador Family to parents new to the school.

Help the teachers organize field trips or special lessons.

Help organize special events.

Help students work in the garden.

Serve on one of the school’s committees. Share your talents and special interests, such as playing a musical instrument, speaking a language, or making a craft. Volunteer your time to help the school prepare major mailings. Volunteer your time to coach a team or after school club.

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Book Review: Kindness

Book Review: Kindness

by | Book Review TC September 2021, Book Reviews, MFA, TC September 2021

SAC_Kindness-1-smallKindness

By Jonathan Wolff

Kindness is one in a series of resource and activity books for parents and teachers of children ages three to nine years old. This series was inspired by and developed as an extension of “The Virtues Project.” The author, Jon Wolff, well-known in the Montessori community around the world, wondered how could parents and teachers explore virtues or universal qualities of character in fun, interactive, and imaginative ways with children. 

The series that he put together is called The Self-Awakened Child and includes the following titles: Kindness, Assertiveness, Caring, Creativity, Courage, Forgiveness, Loyalty, Peace, Respect, Responsibility, Self-Discipline, Tolerance, Trust, and Unity. Each of these short books has a variety of exercises and role-plays to help children build character, develop problem-solving skills, and nurture strong, healthy relationships. The exercises are meant to be adjusted according to the setting as well as the age and understanding of the child or children who are participating.

Today, more than ever, children need support in recognizing that what they say and do can make a difference in their lives and the lives of others.  As they internalize the characteristics from this series, children realize that they can make our world a more peaceful, sustainable, and united planet. The Self-Awakened Child series is a powerful guide for adults who wish to provide activities that support children in becoming “the change.” I recommend this series for use in schools and homes.

The Self-Awakened Child is available in the Montessori Foundation store at www.montessori.org.

 

 

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Book Review: Jada Jones: Sleepover Scientist 

Book Review: Jada Jones: Sleepover Scientist 

by | Book Review TC September 2021, Book Reviews, MFA, TC September 2021

Cover Jada Jones

By Kelly Starling Lyons

Illustrated by Nneka Myers

This is one in a series of Jada Jones early readers. The print is quite large and the illustrations are fun! This series is a great way to bridge the gap between easy readers to confident readers. The stories are engaging and relatable. This book is about Jada planning her first sleepover party with her friends. She planned what she thought would be so much fun for everyone – lots of science experiments because Jada loves science! Unfortunately, not all of her friends feel the same way and the party was almost a bust! In the end the girls decided on a fun game that they all liked, built a fort for all of them to sleep in, and had a dad-made pancake breakfast in the morning. All went well and they had a blast! I would definitely recommend this series for Lower Elementary age children.

 

 

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