Have you wondered what it takes to get your kids to have a meaningful conversation with you? How might we approach children with questions that get them talking? Join Jody Malterre to practice questioning strategies for toddlers through teens that create connection and critical thinking.
Do you feel like you talk too much about your child’s behavior? Are you constantly repeating your requests and explaining things your children already understand? Joe Newman, the author of “Raising Lions” will talk about how replacing our explanations and lectures with action boundaries, will get better behavior from our kids and will raise those kids into adults who are both confident about themselves and connected to other’s feelings and needs.
How do we decide when a toddler’s behavior is inappropriate? Together we will discuss the questions to ask ourselves before we intervene in a child’s play. Then, we will consider three simple, easy to understand rules that aid toddlers’ understanding, support collaboration and help avoid power struggles.
“As well as being part of our history and a way of understanding other people’s experiences, art is also a form of personal expression, like poetry, song, dance, and telling stories. It is a form of human connection that can evoke feelings, thoughts, and hopefully appreciation and understanding. Montessori encourages families to expose children to as many forms of art as possible. Encouraging your child’s interest in art and giving them room to be creative provides them with experiences that will endure.” — Excerpt from Montessori for Every Family by Lorna McGrath & Tim Seldin
The new book, Montessori For Every Family: A practical parenting guide to living, loving, and learning, by Lorna McGrath and Tim Seldin, shares some ways to encourage an enjoyment of art and to set up a space to create. We have searched out materials to help you set up an inviting art space in your home.
A child-sized wooden table can be your art area for years. Look for a sturdy table and chairs that fit under the table. If you do not have space for a separate art table, consider a coffee table with storage nearby.
Pictures by different artists can be chosen by you or your child if you visit an art museum, or ordered from art.com. Also consider a piece of wood with clips attached and a variety of postcards for a changing display.
You may want a paper roll so you can create different sized pieces of paper.
Paper roll holder with storage is a good choice. It is available from several vendors, including Amazon. Here is a link to one from IKEA: tinyurl.com/ mrxfc27e
Keeping clothes neat during art exploration is difficult for some of us, so a smock can be a beneficial part of any art set up. tinyurl.com/2zzsetah
Beeswax crayons allow for layering of colors and draw smoothly. They also last longer than traditional crayons. tinyurl.com/289usjem
Changing out art materials for different ages can help keep their interest up. Young children enjoy the opportunity to finger paint; this finger paint is made with food-grade materials, so you do not need to worry too much when painty fingers go into mouths. ecokidsusa.com/ eco-finger-paint/
Older children may like the many different ways to draw with watercolor pencils. tinyurl.com/2p9a6d5n
Add a pad of watercolor paper. ecokidsusa.com/eco-art-pad-1
This all-natural, set of opaque watercolors has magnetic pots of color, so just a few can be used at a time. tinyurl.com/3ruhf9yu
For younger children, who may even like to taste their paints, Honeysticks is a set made from food-grade ingredients. tinyurl.com/bdfjy9w9
Younger children may find beeswax or soft dough easiest to use. Stockmar modeling beeswax warms up in your hands and smells delicious. tinyurl.com/mws8axc3
Soft play dough can be reused again and again. tinyurl.com/2p9zy89v
Include a container or two, to collect items for collage and sculpture making. Egg cartons, confetti, rubber bands, pom poms, whatever could be reused and is appropriate for their use, can go in the containers for building and creating. Be creative, and follow your child’s interests. Have fun with these ideas and supplies, and add your own art area in your home.
A documentary produced this year is our top pick for all elementary-on-up children, educators, and parents to watch. It’s called The Biggest Little Farm.
In 2009, a California cinematographer and a food blogger met and married. The Biggest Little Farm follows the couple as they attempt to build a sustainable farm an hour north of Los Angeles, CA. With the help of a dedicated environmentalist, they work through the trials and tribulations of achieving perfect (almost, anyway) harmony with nature.
This is the movie to introduce or reinforce many of the Cosmic Education lessons. It will help everyone understand the fragile balance of nature and how easy it is to be destroyed. The visuals are stunning, and the relationship with the animals on the farm are endearing. This movie brought joy, tears, and hope to me, and I highly recommend sharing it with all families to open up discussion on what each of us needs to be aware of to help do whatever we can to respect nature and protect our earth. •
Dear Concerned Parent,
I am so glad you are looking at Montessori schools for your children and that you have started the search so early. Many schools have rolling admissions and are open to admission at times other than the start of the school year or semester.
The Montessori Method works, as it is truly an individualized approach to education. Each child spends his or her school days in a carefully prepared environment with a group of multi-aged learners and a guide. A child chooses activities that call to her from within that environment while her guide watches her interests and offers lessons. From there, she develops a set of skills upon which to build. She practices the lessons she has learned and asks for new lessons as soon as those are comfortably mastered.
Children in the Montessori prepared environment also have the opportunity to watch others work and are often enticed by the work of those older children, aspiring to do what they do. This leads to more and more advanced work within the classroom as a whole and by your child individually. No child needs to wait for another child to have mastered a skill to move on! She has a new lesson as soon as she is able. Children also assist others younger than themselves, often teaching lessons they have already mastered. The child teaching lessons is one of the best ways to ensure mastery and confidence about something they have learned. It also leads to a kind and caring community.
Guides spend time observing the class to see which children are working at the mastery level on certain skills and are ready for a new lesson, which children need re-presentation, and which children need social
encouragement. They carefully chart these observations on paper or on the many computer programs that are now available and used in schools. While the classroom may look free flowing and easy going, it is actually a skill and data-driven environment, even though students do follow their own interests and work on projects and activities of their choosing. Their connection with their guide—often for three
years—enhances this relationship and connection and allows for learning to happen more easily from year to year. They offer carefully timed lessons to children as they are ready. These lessons are often one on one, but can be executed with the whole class or small groups. It is often hard to find the guide in the classroom as she is working with only a few children at a time.
In answer to your question, yes, the Method can and does work!
Children have a say in what parts of the curriculum with which they engage and when they do so— always with awareness and support from the guide and other adults in the room. Children learn initiative, self-control, and discipline while mastering basic skills. This method truly parallels the expectations and skills needed as a child grows and faces more adult challenges.
Enjoy your journey looking at schools! Montessori schools truly are unparalleled! •
Cathie Perolmanis a reading specialist, elementary educator, author, consultant, and creator of educational materials for primary and elementary students. Check out her new downloadable materials on her website cathieperolman.com.
For more than three decades she has dedicated her energies to improving reading for all youngsters.
She is the author of Practical Special Needs for the Montessori Method: A Handbook for 3-6Teachers and Homeschoolers published by the Montessori Foundation (available throughmontessori.org.) She is a regular contributor to Tomorrow’s Child and Montessori Leadership magazines.
Cathie Perolman holds a BS in Early Childhood Education and a MEd in Elementary Education with a concentration in reading. She is credentialed as a Montessori teacher. She is married and has two adult children and two adorable granddaughters. Cathie lives in Ellicott City, Maryland with her husband.
TOMORROW’S CHILD © • NOVEMBER 2019 • WWW.MONTESSORI.ORG
by Association of Zoos & Aquariums
Elementary and middle school children, along with their parents and teachers, will love this book. It is a hilarious review of wild animals from around the world! Each animal is rated in a humorous way that tells the reader a little something about the creatures. Animals Reviewed also includes the common name for the animal, its scientific name, and a zoo or aquarium where it can be found. This information is great because some of these animals may tickle a child’s curiosity and may motivate them to do more in-depth research about the animal. They may even be able to go see the animal in person if a zoo or aquarium nearby has one in residence. Enjoy!
”I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”—JANE AUSTEN
by Norma Jean Haynes, Ann Sayre Wiseman, and John Langstaff
Another wonderful book for adventurous children and grown ups who want to have fun making music! The book is laid out in categories starting with Beginning Notes (pun intended I’m sure!); Household Things that Ring and Ping; Body Music; Percussion Beats and Rhythms; Breath Music: the Winds, The String Section; Instruments from the Workshop; and Creating Music. I’m excited just writing down the names of the sections and that’s not all. This book has beautiful photos of real children in action and having so much fun with music. Make Music is a great resource for an afterschool studio or for the vacation home or cabin, or at home on a school break, or ongoing project. The audience for the projects would probably be elementary-age children because of their skill and social levels; although, very clever teachers or parents could probably modify some of the projects for younger children as well.
Written by Michael Dorer Illustrated by Beth Wilson Music by Andrew Kutt
Michael Dorer, a well- known Montessori educator, author, and conference presenter, has now written his first children’s book and it’s ‘wonder-full.’ Hatching the Cosmic Egg opens with a request for the reader to “think of the very biggest thing you can.” I’m already intrigued and excited, and I think elementary children will be, too!
On each of the next few pages is a gorgeous, two-page, colorful drawing of very large earthly things that children might imagine and the author asking; Is it a great, gray elephant? Next two-page spread: A tall, snowy mountain? And so on. Then he begins to ask about more stellar images like the sun and the stars. This is so cool because the book brings the child’s mind to bigger and bigger images leading up to: It’s the UNIVERSE!
Now the story begins! This book encourages and entices children to think big about the universe, about themselves, and their part in the universe. Dorer, being the great storyteller that he is, seamlessly incorporates concepts from the great lessons and brings the readers to an awesome affirmation that they are connected to and part of everything in the universe.
Beth Wilson’s illustrations are perfect for the story, both in style and simplicity. They add to the wonder of this book. And, there’s more. With each book comes a CD with music and song by Andrew Kutt that enhances the story for readers in a totally different genre. This book needs to be in every home and classroom!
Written by Joanna Rowland Illustrated by Thea Baker
The Memory Box is a very helpful book for children who have lost a loved one. It brings to light a variety of emotions from fear to sadness to happiness that children may experience as they go through the grief process and beyond. Sometimes, adults find it difficult to talk about feelings and death, especially if the person who has died is someone they loved as well. This book helps adults, as it tells a story about a child who is grieving, what feelings she experiences, and how she creates a “memory box.” The illustrations are lovely, almost whimsical, and yet realistic. At the end of the book there is a section to help adults support children through their loss. Children four years old through elementary and possibly the middle school years would benefit from The Memory Box.
Written by Laura Wilhelm Photos by Gryphon House and Shutterstock
Treasure basket exploration is a terrific idea for not-yet-mobile infants. The concept could be modified in some ways to better fit toddler’s through kindergartener’s strong sense of order. I struggled a little bit with this concept because I know from my own observations, as well as those of Maria Montessori and interactions with children in the early childhood years (birth-6 years old), that this period of time in a child’s development is crucial for preparing an environment that instills a very orderly way of thinking. At the infant and toddler stage of development, little ones are all about moving and exploring, so the baskets work well. There is a certain amount of order to it because the objects are contained within the basket. They come out of the basket and, when finished, return to the basket (sometimes by the infant or toddler—more often than not by the parent or teacher). The baskets are almost like introductory work for the primary level (3-6 years old), where the activities are contained in baskets or on trays but are designed to teach a skill rather than just allow for exploration.
I need to do more research about “heuristic learning” to truly understand what it is. As I read this book, it sounds like you put a bunch of stuff in a pile and the children get to “explore” it. For me it sounds a bit too unstructured for 3-6-year-olds, as they are really ready for order and imitation rather strictly exploration. Their activities always have some flexibility for exploration but also have a beginning, a middle, and end within each activity.
So, there are some very usable ideas for the infant-toddler years, and some ideas that can be modified for older children in Treasure Basket Exploration.
Written by Simone Davies Illustrated by Hiyoko Imai
When I looked at the cover of this book I was intrigued. It was simple with a kind of unique illustration of a shelf with activities, and it was written for parents of toddlers—encouraging signs. Then I looked at the table of contents which was 3.33 pages long. Hmmm. Busy parents with small toddlers. Looks a little off-putting to me. So, I flipped through the book. I like photos and illustrations. There were very few photos and quite a few illustrations, but lots of words to read in this 248- page volume. Oh boy!
I made myself look more closely, and what I found was delightfully appealing. That huge table of contents I discovered was because the author listed each topic in each chapter, so it looked a lot more daunting than it truly is. Many of the topics listed are half a page to two pages at most. A parent can easily read a quick snippet and put the book down. They can also easily look up a specific topic that they are interested in because the topics are listed in such detail.
After looking more carefully, I really like the design. Simone Davies is very thorough. Her knowledge, understanding, and enjoyment of this age group is very apparent, and she shares it well with her audience. Often toddlers are misunderstood and so behave in ways that parents find difficult. Davies touches on some key points when thinking about toddlers. The first two chapters give parents valuable information about this stage in a child’s development and a brief introduction to Montessori. The rest of the book helps parents see their role as changing from a servant during infancy to a guide during toddlerhood and beyond. She brilliantly describes how to create a home environment that supports toddler success, both physically and emotionally, with furnishings and activities, as well as discipline.
The Montessori Toddler is a great resource for parents of infants, so that they can prepare for toddlerhood and for parents of toddlers who are already in the midst of toddlerhood.
TOMORROW’S CHILD © • NOVEMBER 2019 • WWW.MONTESSORI.ORG
by Leigh Bardugo
If you like complex characters, a thrilling story, and Victorianesque setting, then you will love Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. This book tells the story of a convict, a sharpshooter, a runaway, a spy, a heart render, and a thief who band together to pull off an impossible heist.
Six of Crows takes place in the Grishaverse, a world where certain people called Grisha have the power to manipulate the tides, the wind, or even the chemicals in your body. Every chapter in this book follows the story from a different character’s point of view. The narrative switches between Kaz Brekker, a criminal underworld mastermind; Jesper, a sharpshooter, who can’t walk away from a bet; Wylan, the runaway son of a rich merchant; Inej, a circus performer turned into a deadly assassin; Nina, a Grisha heartrender far from home; and Matthias, a Drüskelle, witch hunter, and a convict. All of them must put aside their differences to complete an impossible heist, not only to save the world but for the money.
The first half of this book takes place in the city of Ketterdam, a city based on Amsterdam, specifically in The Barrel, the part of town with all the gambling halls are where anyone will do anything for the right price. The Barrel is home to thieves, conartists, and, most importantly, gangs. It’s a place where everyone is trying to outsmart everyone else. The second half takes place in the faraway country of Fjerda, a cold unforgiving country filled with Drüskelle. Overall, I loved the setting; I just wish we could have explored The Barrel more. Kaz, also known as Dirtyhands, is a lieutenant in a gang called the Dregs. Inej is a kind, yet dangerous, Suli acrobat who, through a series of unfortunate events, finds herself an assassin. Jesper is a jittery and funny sharpshooter, who can’t walk away from a wager. Nina is decisive and independent. Matthias is cold and a good soldier. Wylan is the moral compass of the team.
Six of Crows is a must-read for anyone who enjoys thrilling, suspenseful, and magical books. With its complex characters, engaging, and intriguing setting, Six of Crows is not only a good book but a masterpiece.
Reviewed by Daniel Pellizzari,10th grade
by Ally Condie
In the book Matched, a girl named Cassia lives in a tightly controlled society where decisions are made for her. Officials decide, no one else. They decide whom you love, where you work, when you die, and more.
Ally Condie’s husband gave her the idea to write the book, Matched. She had a conversation with him about marriage in the fall of 2008. He asked, “What if someone wrote the perfect algorithm for lining people up, and the government used it to decide whom you married, when you married, etc.?” But some of Condie’s inspiration also came from general experiences, such as becoming a parent and falling in love.
The main characters in this book are Cassia Reyes and Bram Reyes, Bram and Cassia’s parents, Cassia’s grandfather (Xander), and Ky. My favorite character is Cassia’s grandfather (aka Samuel Reyes) because he’s so sweet and he understands Cassia. He’s kind and gentle to everybody, and he loves poetry. In this story, Samuel is always there for his family, as well.
I would like to experience what living in that society would be like. Cassia is so closely monitored all the time and isn’t free to do whatever she pleases—other people control everything Cassia does from the time that she eats to the time that she dies. It would be really interesting to see what that would be like.
Matched is definitely one of my favorite books. It’s very well written and interesting to read. The book has many unexpected twists, turns, and lies that make you need to keep reading. If I could change one thing about this book, I would change something that happens to Cassia’s grandfather. If you want to know what happens to him, you should read the book!
I highly recommend this book because it opens up your mind and makes you more grateful to know that you aren’t always being watched or monitored at all times. It’s so crazy to think how free we are compared to these people who live in a place where they’re just like everyone else—from clothes, to school, to work, and even to falling in love. If you’re the type of person who likes family, adventure, fantasy, and love, then I believe that this would be the perfect book for you!
Reviewed by Maya Stutzman,9th grade
by Daniel Keyes
Flowers for Algernon is highly acclaimed, having earned the Nebula Award for Science fiction and Hugo award for best novel and considered a classic by many. Written initially as a short story in 1959, it was later expanded into a novel in 1966. The book challenges the status quo of science fiction, focusing not on laser guns, but on the human mind. When it was released in 1959, it changed the very definition of science fiction. However, besides the science aspect of the book, it also has a more important message about humanity.
The story follows Charlie Gordon, a developmentally delayed man who wants more than anything to be smart. When two scientists choose him to be part of a science experiment meant to raise his IQ, his view of the world is completely changed. Now he has to deal with the difficulties that come with intelligence and the painful memories that begin to manifest in his head. I won’t say that this book will change your life, but it should definitely make you think. For me, Flowers for Algernon really pulled at my heartstrings and made me feel emotions that few books have been able to elicit.
Before I elaborate more on the story, I would like to mention that this book is not for kids any younger than secondary school age or those who are afraid to feel a little uncomfortable. The reason I say this is as Charlie remembers more and more of his past, the book takes a darker turn. There are also some slightly mature moments in the second half of the book.
Charlie’s character goes through multiple changes as his intelligence increases. He starts off as a man who has the mind of a kid, working at a bakery owned by a family friend. This is the only place he is able to work, and the owner acts as a father figure to him. He can’t remember anything and is constantly bullied by the other workers. Then, when he receives surgery that slowly increases his intelligence, his character completely changes. He becomes a hyperintelligent person who remembers everything and is able to learn twenty different languages, but now he realizes everything that has happened to him in his life. He now understands that he was previously living in the moment but not able to understand the moment. He had no control over his life, yet now he does, and he’s impossibly frustrated by this. People treat him completely differently and are scared of him. He’s mad at the world, at people, and at his circumstances. He only finds true companionship with the lab mouse, Algernon, that was the scientists original laboratory test subject.
A cool aspect of Flowers for Algernon is how the book itself is written. The story is told in the first person and is written in progress reports by Charlie. This gives the reader a new way to look into the protagonist’s mind, and I really enjoyed reading something that is written so uniquely.
One of the major reasons why I truly recommend this book is its great message. It shows that people who have mental disabilities are still people. We shouldn’t treat people differently just because they struggle with simpler tasks. If anything, we should support them and help them like we would any other person.
Reviewed by Micah Levine,10th grade
by Ruta Sepetys
“Have you ever wondered what a human life is worth? That morning, my brother’s was worth a pocket watch.”
Between Shades of Gray is a historical fiction novel written by Lithuanian-American writer, Ruta Sepetys. Sepetys’ heritage inspired the creation of Between Shades of Gray, her first novel. This chilling novel is centered around the soul-crushing events of the sovietinvasion within the country of Lithuania in 1941. During this time, soviet police took men, women, and children and dispersed them wherever they pleased, all while leaving the captives uninformed of their destination. The soviets would tear families apart, leaving them to question the fate of their loved ones. The soviets essentially forced the Lithuanians to live as slaves under extremely harsh, inhumane conditions, while having to comply with every order given to them; if they failed to comply, it could mean instant death.
Between Shades of Gray begins with backstory on Kostas Vilkas. Kostas is the husband of Elena and father to Lina and Jonas. Like many other able-bodied men, he was taken and separated from his wife and children. His wife, Elena, is an intelligent and caring woman. Elena can be seen taking on the role of the voice of reason, as well as being a source of positivity. Their daughter, Lina, is a young teenage girl with a passion for art, only 15, when she and her family were taken from their home. Lina’s younger brother, Jonas, was only ten years old when their family was taken. Although they do have their mother by their side the majority of the time, both Lina and Jonas are forced to grow up extremely quickly due to the hardships they face within their situation. However, when the children briefly reconnect with their father, bumping into him in a nearby train car, Kostas gives the children words of wisdom, telling them to stay strong and not to give up. This empowers Lina and Jonas, making them want to keep going despite all their struggles.
The family, minus the father, was forced aboard a train headed towards Siberia. Here, they meet many fellow Lithuanian captives; most memorably, they meet Andrius Arvydas.
Andrius is around the same age as Lina, and during the novel, they become love interests. The family also meets Mr. Stalas, Mrs. Grybas, Ona, and others. They all soon come to be familiar with Komorov, the commander. It seems as if Komorov is the embodiment of evil; he is the main antagonist. Along with the commander, the Lithuanians also get to know Nikolai Kretzsky. Kretzsky is another soldier who takes part in torturing and ordering the captives around. However, as time progresses, Elena strikes an odd friendship with Kretzsky and it’s revealed that he isn’t completely evil.
Between Shades of Gray demonstrates many important themes, including: morality, sacrifice, integrity, strength, and much more. I love watching the characters develop and grow throughout their story. Each character looks at what it was like to be a captive in the mid 1900s from different perspectives; and you are somewhat put into their shoes. I especially appreciate that, to create this novel, Septeys interviewed real survivors of this time. The fact that everything happening directly stems from those peoples’ truths gives the story life; it gives the story more real feelings and emotions. It shows a more historically accurate representation of their hardships. Their stories must be shared, and the way Septeys delivers their stories is beautiful. Septeys makes the story more personal, incorporating thoughts directly from the protagonists’ minds.
Septeys brings to light the crushing tragedy of the persecution of Stalin’s victims in such a way that is extremely powerful and full of raw emotions. This novel covers such a real and touching topic, I would direct the novel to a more mature audience. Anybody who enjoys more intimate, emotional novels will love this book. Be warned, Between Shades of Gray is a rollercoaster; you better make sure to buckle up.
Reviewed by Katherine Laub,9th grade
Ninth and tenth grade students at NewGate School are reading and writing like crazy! Writing reviews for real publications provides students with an authentic reason for writing. Do you have students or children who would like to send in reviews? For submission guidelines, contact: lornamcgrath@montessori.org.
TOMORROW’S CHILD © • NOVEMBER 2019 • WWW.MONTESSORI.ORG
Quite often with a 3-, 4- or 5-year-old, there’s a lot of grey areas when they’re testing boundaries and you’re not sure a break is necessary—maybe he’s touching the baby’s face and he’s looking at you and he’s got this look in his eye like he’s thinking, “Can I do this? How about this? Am I making you nervous? What can I do before you say something?”
Typically, parents give ambiguous information in these moments, like, “Be careful. Your baby brother is very delicate, so I need you to be gentle.”
What is more effective in these moments is to give a clear action direction, “I need you to come and stand next to me for a moment.” Then, if he’s not moving to follow your direction, count: “5…4…3…2…1…”. And if he hasn’t come to you by the end of the count, give him a break. If he does come to you, have him stay there for a moment and then either let him return or give him a direction to play somewhere else. This inserts a very clear map for him (and you) to follow in that moment. You’ve asked him for something specific, and you’ve given him a clear timeline. He’ll begin to take your direction in these moments, because he doesn’t want a break.
It’s important that the parents aren’t threatening to do a break (so it’s not—“I need you to come over to me, or I’m going to give you a break”) because we want him to generate this thought and self-prompt in this moment.
You say, “I need you to come and sit on the couch to play.” He ignores you and you say, “5…4…3…2…1….” Then if he’s
still not on the couch, and you say in a relaxed tone, “Oh, now I need you to take a break.” Now he looks up and says, “No, no, no! I’ll sit on the couch.” And you respond, “It’s no big deal. You take the break; then you can go to the couch. Right now, you have a short break.”
You follow this pattern because your goal is to have your child follow your directions when you give them. Once you have a break process in place, you can give all kinds of other prompts, because now he takes your words seriously. As you move forward, you ask him to do what you need, and if he doesn’t, you give him a break, or you count down and then give him a break. But you don’t always have to count down.
You might simply ask your child to do something and then pause quietly for five seconds and then give the break. You don’t have to do it the same way each time because you want to keep him on his toes, so he learns to hold an awareness of your needs. There’s no judgment in your tone with this; it’s easy, it’s fun, it’s playful—like your child. This speaks directly to the difference between punishments and consequences.
You can begin by giving a clear direction and then counting. A few days later, you shift to pausing quietly for 5 seconds, then giving the break. Inevitably, your child will say, “Wait! You didn’t count!” and you can tell him, “Well I’m not always going to count. I don’t want to work so hard. You know what happens after I give you a direction. I wait a few moments, and then you get a break. It’s no big deal; you take the break, and you come right back.” The tone of voice you use and the lack of moralizing is the difference between punishment and consequence. You’re shifting from judgment and anger, which implies his actions are either good or bad, to good-natured coaching with cause and effect.
There is often a misunderstanding that administering cause and effect without judgment is too soft, but it’s not; it’s actually more effective. When your child is very defiant you can give consequence after consequence after consequence and frustrate the heck out of him. But the more you frustrate him, the more your tone should be sweet and empathetic so that your children focuses on the consequence of their choices rather than your judgment of them. •
Joe Newman was born and adopted in1963. In 1970 he was diagnosed ADHD and medicated with Ritalin. Every where he went, the playground, the classroom, even at home, Joe heard one message loud and c ear: you’re broken; your brain doesn’t work; you don’t belong.” No surprises when, at eighteen, he dropped out of college, shaved his hair into a mohawk and took off to surf the coastlines of the Caribbean and Central America. It was out in the world, working scores of jobs and starting his own businesses, where Joe realized he was not actually broken. Away from the tethers of school and home, Joe realized the same qualities called disorders were also qualities of positivity and value. Aggression became passion, distractibility became broad understanding, and stubbornness became tenacity. Realizing there must be millions of children out there, just like him, with ferocious spirits but misunderstood, he threw himself into finding and reaching these children.
His book, Raising Lions, has developed a growing following not simply because it helps parents understand why their children behave the way they do, but because the tools and solutions actually work.
TOMORROW’S CHILD © • NOVEMBER 2019 • WWW.MONTESSORI.ORG
by Rachel Buechler
A little girl sits at the table with the Snap Dressing Frame. She has picked it up several times before today and quickly returned it to its stand after a short attempt. Today she picks it up and places it on the table. She tries the first snap; it doesn’t connect. She looks at the snap from the left side, then the right side. She tries again; it doesn’t connect. She looks at her teacher for help. The teacher demonstrates how to connect the snap then returns it to its unconnected state. The child moves onto the snap above and, as she pushes down, she hears it connect. She pauses, smiles. Then goes back to try the first one; it still doesn’t connect. She squeals in frustration. She takes a moment to look again and again; then she keeps trying. This continues for twenty minutes until she looks at the dressing frame and the three connected snaps. She sighs and smiles then exclaims, “I did it!” Her teacher says, “You did it!” The little girl continues to look at the completed work before quickly taking it apart again to repeat the lesson.
There is so much for us to learn from this toddler’s determination to work on mastering this lesson. She is showing us how we can develop a skill that will place us ahead of others in the working world: grit. Grit is what keeps us working with our children, even when it is hard, even when we think we aren’t getting the results we want, or the progress is slower than we hoped. No matter what, we keep thinking of new ideas to try and keep believing we will see results. We are displaying grit. How can you help your students, or your own children, develop grit?
Let the child experience frustration. This is hard to do when we can see the solution to their problem is so easy for us to fix. As they try to fit puzzle pieces into a board, we can see they just need to turn it a little further, and we can feel so helpful if we just showed them how it fit by reaching over to place the piece. If we continue to solve the child’s frustrations, we are robbing them of the opportunity to feel greater success in working through the issue. We are also telling them that anytime they are frustrated, they should rely on an adult to solve the issue. We need our future leaders to learn how to problem solve and persist to solution by accepting frustration, then working through it.
During the Dressing Frame story, the teacher did show that the snap can be connected and, thus, modeled the action for the child. The teacher also returned the snap to its original state so the child would continue to work from where she left off. Deciding exactly what help children need is critical to allowing them to persist with the challenge, but not discourage them by completing it on their behalf. It also helps children to learn when to ask for help.
If we continue to solve the child’s frustrations, we are robbing them of the opportunity to feel greater success in working through the issue.
Even if children don’t succeed with lessons, tomorrow might just be the day they will figure it out. Maria Montessori believed repetition was the key to mastering a skill. If an infant went to walk for the first time but fell after one step, and we said: “Looks like that’s not the activity for you,” they would likely feel discouraged from attempting it again. Our response is more likely to be supportive, helping them up and encouraging them to try again and again until they are walking with stability. This is how we should help our children attempt many lessons in different areas of the classroom or skills at home. There are times when a child masters a difficult skill and then finds joy from repeating the lesson over again, as it gets easier and easier each time. As new skills are developing, mistakes will be made. When mistakes are made, we must be matter of fact about them. As the book, The Montessori Toddler, says, “Mistakes are simply opportunities to learn… if they break or spill things, we can have things at the ready for them to help tidy it up…. We can model being friendly about mistakes by not taking ourselves too seriously when we make mistakes” (Davis, 2018, p.93).
The child had picked up the Snap Dressing Frame several times on various days before and realized, through self-awareness, that this was not a task that would give her immediate success. There were other skills that needed to be built first. This shows great knowledge in knowing her own abilities and where she is ready to seek the next challenge. By allowing children to guide their own learning journeys through choice and freedom, they develop more than the academic skills. They build skills in planning, organization, order, and determination (or grit). The growth of these skills allows children to feel internal celebration when they complete activities on which they have been working. This grows confidence as children learn how to fail and keep persisting until they succeed. As the book, The Confidence Code, says, “failing fast allows for constant adjustment, testing, and then quick movement toward what will actually work” (Kay & Shipman, 2014, p. 140).
ADULT INTERVENTIONS THAT DISCOURAGE THE DEVELOPMENT OF GRIT:
• Jumping in to help before you have assessed exactly how much help the child truly needs. Give only this amount of help. The joy within the child comes from persisting through a difficult task to reaching completion.
• Saying “good job” or “I like it when you_____”. These statements make the success about you and not about the internal development of the child.
• Moving the child away from a task because you think it looks too difficult prevents developing grit. Let them try; model it. Help them to determine what is too difficult. Don’t become frustrated or upset about mistakes made.
REFERENCES:
Davies, S. (2018) The Montessori Toddler. Amsterdam: Jacaranda Tree Publishing Kay, K. & Shipman, C. (2014). The Confidence Code. New York: HarperCollins
Rachel Buechler earned her BA in Education in 2009 before relocating to Charlotte, NC from England, UK. She joined Charlotte Montessori School in 2010and was the Lead Toddler Teacher for three years. During that time she earned her Infant/Toddler Montessori Certification. Ms. Buechler enjoys the individualization of the Montessori classroom foreach child and watching them follow their own unique interests as they learn and grow in the classroom.
TOMORROW’S CHILD © • NOVEMBER 2019 • WWW.MONTESSORI.ORG
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